


There’s Always Sunrise

by tinfoilhathedonist



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angie is a sassypants, Depression, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Loss, Nerdiness, Running, common ground, don't be a little shit, either of you, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinfoilhathedonist/pseuds/tinfoilhathedonist
Summary: Angie suffers a monumental loss which makes her home unbearable. With a whim and a plane ticket, she's in search of solace in any four walls but her own. Sometimes you find what you need when you're not looking for anything in particular.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author doesn't own Tom or Tom's likeness and can attest that references to Tom's private life/place of residence in this story are a complete and total fabrication. He is, for all intents and purposes, a muse (and a delightful one at that).

  
Anything. But. The. Alarm.

Angie rolled over and slammed her hand repeatedly on the side table, eventually silencing the offending appliance. “Someone please tell me why I still have this thing set” she mumbled to herself. Cursing and bleary-eyed, she rolled back over and passed back out. It wasn’t even dawn yet.

She dragged her ass out of bed when the sun was peeking over the treetops outside of her window. She looked outside and choked back a sob. There was a time when this place brought her peace. But now, now it just brought her heartache. It’s been seven weeks and four days since her world was shattered. Her empty, shell of a life was haunted by the memories of a promised future. Grabbing her phone and flicking on the screen, there were 5 missed calls from the past few days.

“I need coffee before this shit. Ugh.” There was half a pot of day old coffee still in the maker. She shrugged, poured a cup, and stuck it in the microwave. A minute and some cream later, she plunked on the couch and started listening to her voicemails.

“You have five new voice messages. You have one saved voice message. Message one. ‘Ang, it’s Renee. Look, I know things have been really tough, but I was hoping…..’ Message deleted. Message two. ‘Hey baby girl. Just calling to check in on you. I know you haven’t talked to your brother or sister lately. Give me a….’ Message deleted. Message three. ‘Hey Angie it’s…’ Message deleted. Message four. Message deleted. Message five. ‘Ang, I know you’re still a scientist. Call me because I need this data clarified for the paper, thanks.’ Message deleted. You have no new voice messages. You have one saved voice message. To listen to your messages, press one.

Beep.

“Hey honey, it’s me. Just letting you know that I’m on my way home with the kids. Vet adjusted Sim’s meds and Doodles has got a clean bill of health. I’ll see you when I get….”

There was a crash mixed with some yelps and a groan, and then silence. It never got easier to hear that message. That crash. That crash took everything that mattered. Her vision blurred as she curled up into a ball and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

“Thank you ma’am, have a nice flight.”

Slipping her shoes back on, Angie managed a feeble smile at the security agent. It’s been four months and two days since her world came crashing down. And it’s been six days since she decided she needed a change of environment, even if temporary. Grabbing her bag, she slowly made her way to the gate and had a seat.

Could some modicum of peace be found in an airline ticket and a rented flat? Maybe, maybe not, but the thought of it sure did sound better than the closing in of her four walls. She sent a quick email to her parents - they should probably know she's running off to another continent. No big deal, right?

“Now boarding, British Airways 116 from JFK to London-Heathrow.” She didn’t really hear the rest of the announcement, she just stood up and went to the gate. Handing the attendant her ticket, he scanned it and smiled. “Thank you, have a nice flight.” handing her back her ticket.

 _I must be daydreaming_ Angie thought to herself. After lifting her bag into the overhead bin, she took her book and her purse and settled in to her seat. It was just after sunset, so it wasn’t a big deal to have a window seat, but it was nice to have an extra headrest and she assumed it’d be nice to watch the sunrise of the Atlantic in a few hours. The thought captivated her as she stared out the window.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The man’s voice was pleasant. British. She didn’t even realize that he had bumped her arm when sitting down. “No worries, it’s close quarters.” Angie replied, eyes still staring out the window.

The man chuckled. She looked at the man and chuckled herself. Sitting next to her, right there, on a 7 hour flight to London, was none other than Tom Hiddleston.  She shook her head and looked back out the window. Soon, the ground was thousands of feet below.

“Excuse me Miss, can I interest you in a drink?” The attendant smiled as he handed her a napkin. It was a good of a time as ever for a drink, right?

“I’ll take a whisky, neat. Please. Brand doesn’t matter.”

“Of course. Sir?” He handed my seat mate a napkin.

“I’ll have the same, please.” Tom smiled and looked at Angie. “You nervous?”

“No,” Angie replied ”I’m, uhhmm, exhausted. At least I think that’s the word I’m looking for.”

“Jet lag and whisky may not be your best friends once we land. After all, it will be 8am local time.”

“That might be true, but jet lag and whisky means I’m not where I’ve been for the past few months.” She winced as the words left her mouth, then mumbled an incoherent apology.

Tom looked a little uncomfortable, then cleared his throat quietly. “So, umm, what brings you to England?”

I was happily distracted as our attendant handed us our drinks. “Anything else I can get for you? Snack, pillow, or blanket?”

“Oooh, I’d love a blanket please.” Angie cooed. “You’re the best, thank you so much!” She tucked the blanket around herself and put her drink in her hand. “Here’s to an adventure.” She clinked glasses with Tom.

“So, you’re going to England for an adventure? ” Tom chuckled. “I guess I can see that. England is a wonderful place, even though I’m slightly biased. Hopefully your adventure will be with some good friends - adventures are always better shared.”

Angie took a deep breath. “Well, maybe adventure was the wrong word. But, it’ll be something. Something different. And slightly? Right.” She took a sip of her drink as she tried to figure out what to say. Angie was rarely one to be at a loss for words, she was trying not to lose it, but managed to quietly add “And, um, yeah, if adventures are with friends, then I really used the wrong word.” She threw back her whisky and finished it in a gulp. The burn was soon replaced with a warmth the radiated from her core and she signaled her attendant for another drink.

“So, solo trip? It’ll be ok, you’ll love England. There’s so much to do, wonderful places to see.”

“I know. Hitting some museums, hoping to catch a few plays, and just be an obnoxious tourist I guess. And at some point I’ll be heading up to Ireland as well.”

“Beautiful country.”

 _That’s what he told me_. “I know.”

“What plays?” He smiled.

“Whatever I can afford to get a ticket to.”

“That’s a good play!”

Angie rolled her eyes and chuckled. Cradling her newly acquired drink in her hands, she turned her attention back out the window - dawn was appearing on the horizon. She turned back towards Tom. “So, recommendations?”

She must have been staring out of the window for longer than a moment as her seatmate was sound asleep. She turned her attention back out the window and watched the dawn turn to sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3

There was a knock at the door. Angie peeked out the front window and saw a state trooper’s patrol car. Her stomach sank as she opened the door.

“Hello Officers, how can I help you?”

“Mrs. Brooks, I’m Officer Smith, and this is Officer Brennan. I’m afraid we have some bad news.” Angie was startled, and went to invite the officers in before she realized what Officer Brennan held in her hands. Two collars and a shattered phone.

She took two steps back and started screaming. “This isn’t real!!!!! This isn’t happening!!”

~*~*~*~*~

Angie awoke with the man beside her gently shaking her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but you appear to be having a rather terrible dream.”

She wiped the tired from her eyes only to realize her face was damp. “Yeah, umm, thanks. And it’s Angie. Well, Angeline, but everyone calls me Angie, or Ang if they’re feeling exceptionally lazy.”

“Well, I’m Tom.”

“Yeah, I know.” Tom looked a bit sheepish. “What, it may have been a bad couple months but I don’t live under a fucking rock, you know.” Angie really shouldn’t have had that second drink. Pounding headache plus terrible sleep plus that nightmare again equals no filter.

Tom looked a bit flustered. “Sorry,” Angie apologized. “It’s just, I’ve had that same nightmare for the past few months. It never changes.”

“Well at least you’re awake now, it’s just a dream…”

“Yeah, but it’s not.” Angie snapped. _Shit. Shitshitshit._

Saved by the overhead page. “Ladies and gentlemen, we will be beginning our decent into London’s Heathrow Airport. Please make sure all electronics are off and that your seat backs are upright and your trays and personal belongings are stowed. It will be 8am local time when we land.”

The rest of the flight was made in silence. Angie choked back tears as the plane touched down. This was always on their list of places they wanted to see.

“Are you staying in London?” Angie was snapped out of her reverie.

“Yeah...yes. There’s a flat near Primrose Hill that I rented for a week. After that, I’m not so sure.”

“That’s a great area. Right by Regent’s Park. Love it. Although it’s going to be one hell of a tube ride to get there. You should have flown into London City instead.”

“Well, can’t say I planned this trip well.”

Tom smiled, got up and grabbed his bag out of the overhead bin as well as hers. “Well, if you’d like a tour guide, or to know where the best places are to get a coffee or the non-tourist trap things, use this. If you want.” He put a card into one hand while placing her bag handle in the other. “I hope you enjoy London and wherever else your travels take you, Angie. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s was nice to meet you too, Tom. Thanks for the wake-up call.” Angie stood there as she watched the internet’s boyfriend walk off the plane. Her mind was a little boggled, to say the least. Shouldn’t she be fangirling or something? Grabbing her directions and her things, she disembarked, wondering exactly what this adventure would bring. Hopefully less nightmares.

 ~*~*~*~*~

After a switch of trains at Paddington Station, Angie remembered the card that ended up unceremoniously stuffed in her pocket.

 

 

 

> Dear Angie-
> 
> If you’re so inclined
> 
> 44-7368-846627
> 
> Xx
> 
> -T

 

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phone # spells thomas. I have a friend who has her name as her phone# and she gets the most hilarious calls sometimes. If it happens to be a real number, I feel bad for the person who has it. but for now, it's funny. and still fake.


	4. Chapter 4

Angie stared at the crumpled directions in her hands when she got outside of the Baker Street Station. “Baker Street, huh? My nerdy senses are tingling.” she mumbled to herself, and set on her way. Soon she found herself approaching a nice little brick house with a blue door that had a smartly dressed woman in a red coat leaning against the frame.

“Hi, you must be Betsy.”

“That I am. Hello Angie, welcome to London. Have a good trip?”

Angie smiled. “An overnight flight does have its pros and cons but I’m sure glad I’ve landed.”

“Good to hear. Shall we? You must want to get settled.”

“Sure, let’s go.”

Betsy unlocked the front door and walked in, Angie followed suit. “We’re up the stairs and to the left”. It’s a modest apartment with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen that Angie swore came right out of a magazine. The open concept kitchen and living area looked directly over Primrose Hill.

“This place is beautiful!  And that view!!! Wow. Just….wow. This is amazing. I’m so lucky I found this…before I left…I mean...” Angie faltered and chuckled out of self-preservation. Maybe standing in this kitchen was making her speechless.

Betsy grinned. “So you’re here for a week, right?

“Yes. After that, I’m not sure what my plan is.”

Betsy compulsively organized a few books on the counter. “Well, let me know. I’ll keep it open in case you need to stay longer, but this place is tentatively booked in three weeks. You prepaid for the flat so we’re all set there. If you do decide to stay longer, we’ll work something out. Oh yeah, you do have laundry. I know you’re American so it’s not what you’re used to, but it’s in the kitchen. I’ve left soap under the sink for you and there are directions on the box. There’s a drying rack in the closet. You overlook the park, so if you don’t leave the flat for the whole week, you’ll still have something nice to look at. This is a fairly busy park, I’d love to say that you would only see a couple runners and that’s about it, but it’s a touristy spot because of the views of downtown to the south. Still a nice spot”

Angie grinned.  “Thanks Betsy, I know I’ll be very comfortable here. I’ll be in touch.”

She pressed the key to Angie’s hand. “Sounds wonderful. Enjoy. Please call is you have any issues or concerns because I do know you’re traveling solo.”

“Will do!”

~*~*~*~*~

Angie found herself wandering the apartment and staring out the living room window looking at the park. The open green space was enticing, but so was laying down and stealing a few hopefully dreamless zs. And so was coffee and food, neither of which she managed to get before this hour. Lucky for her, it was just noon and she passed a cute little café on her walk. “Maybe a coffee and a sammich is a good idea. And a book, and sitting somewhere nice in the park...” she said to no in particular. She grabbed her bag, a blanket, and her new-to-her flat key then strolled out the door into the fresh London air.

Angie was still giggling at the look on the barista’s face after calling him her hero. Ok, maybe calling wasn’t the right word, she may have burst out into song. Slightly. Apparently, Mr. Baristadude isn’t used to being serenaded by Bette Midler songs at random. Clearly his loss.

She settled on a spot just to the right of the viewpoint on Primrose Hill under a gorgeous specimen of a tree. Sitting here, it really was a beautiful sight, especially on a sunny day, not too hot, with a slight breeze. It reminded her of summer in the Adirondacks. Home. _Their_ home.

~*~*~*~*~

“Honey, I swear to fuck our realtor is going to kill us if we don’t find something soon. We’ve been at this for ten months, and everything has been ‘this place is awesome but the location sucks’ or ‘this location is awesome but this place is a shithole and for what they’re asking we can’t fix it’. So, let’s make a deal. If this is the place, we stop looking for a year. Frankly, I’m fucking sick of looking at houses and wondering if I’m going to wander out of some of them with tetanus.” Joe looked at his co-pilot and waited patiently for an answer. “Thoughts?”

Angie chuckled “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. This shit’s exhausting anyway. So, yeah. Last house. It has everything we want, and more, assuming the listing isn’t complete and total bullshit like the last few. Great location, awesome schools. One level with a full basement, looks like it’s in awesome shape. A bit on the high end, but if we’re lucky, there’s minimal work that needs to be done. And land with trails on it! Holy fuck, if we can’t see our neighbors I’m going to pee myself. Let’s see how it goes. If it’s awesome, it’s offer time. If not, well, we tell Seb we’re taking a break and we’ll go from there. But I think we’ll have a really good idea once we’re done.”

And that was the talk they had on the way to “the house”, the place that would become their home. Where they’d sit and stare out the window and wonder how they got so fucking lucky. The place where they talked about raising kids and growing old and having epic snowball fights in the back yard. The place that was supposed to be home but now felt so fucking empty with just one person in it.

Angie shook her head and took a deep breath. And another. “Oh man” she sighed to herself, taking a sip of her coffee “at least that was a nice one.”

“A nice what?” a familiar baritone voice quipped. She looked ahead and saw a giant pair of black Nikes, then looked up at Tom’s face, which had a giant grin plastered on it.

“Memory. Unlike the one this morning."  _Fuck!_ "You look awfully chipper. I’m assuming you haven’t run up the hill yet but are going down it? And how the fuck did you find me?”

“Well, you are sitting on my running route. Must say, it’s a nice change of scenery. Anyways, yes, just heading out. I don’t talk while running up hills..”

“…because hills are evil” Angie chimed in “But at least this one isn’t as bad as the two at the Lake Placid Half. After Mile 10 they make you run up a giant incline by the horse stables, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they finish the course going up a hill with a fricken turn, then up switchbacks to get to the speedskating oval. But you do get to finish where Olympians once tread, so that’s pretty neat.’ Angie blushed ‘Sorry Tom, that was rude of me. Have a good run hills and all.”

“You’re a runner?”

“Yeah, well, I guess I was at one point. Don’t feel like one much anymore. But I do miss my distance runs.”

“And, umm, half marathons?” Tom did some weird stuff with his eyebrows.

“Yeah, it’s my distance. I did do two fulls just for the experience. I was miserable and sick when it happened, but I wouldn’t trade the experience or the friends I made because of it for anything in the world.” She chuckled “You know, talking about running is awesome and all that, but your run isn’t going to run _itself_ ….”

“Hrmph.” That grin returned. “Fine, if I have to go I will!”

“Hey, I’m not the one who showed up to the park in running gear!”

“Minor detail!” And with that, Tom took off at a jog down the hill before looking back and yelling “call me!”

Angie laughed and facepalmed. She could have sworn she saw him wink. Delighted in the pairing of her neglected coffee with some amusing conversation, she realized how good it felt to laugh. Soon after, she took out her book with her favorite pen, and started to draw for the first time in over four months.


	5. Chapter 5

Angie was glad she decided to hit the shops yesterday after spending some quality time with her drawing book. Today was…..well, today was just all sorts of miserable weather. It was early afternoon, and she was getting antsy. She decided to pop open a box of tea, fish out a bag and plunk it in one of the more generous sized mugs she found in the cupboards. _Nothing in this place really matches and I love it_ she thought _but it all goes. I wish I was better at pulling that shit off._

“Meh.” She placed the freshly filled kettle on the stove and turned on the burner. She looked through the living room and out of the glass door and saw a lush green, but mostly deserted, park.  “I still like it even in the rain. “Shit, that sounded familiar. “Joe would have loved it here.”

 _Joe_. Angie felt queasy. She had spent a good part of the morning focusing on drawing and not on her brain reminding her what was missing. The teakettle started to sing, giving Angie a momentary reprieve from her thoughts. She poured the boiling liquid into the waiting vessel then roughly shoved the kettle back on to the stove. She leaned onto the counter, breathing deeply over the steaming mug. _This shit is hard._

~*~*~*~*~

A rainy, miserable day matched Angie’s rainy, miserable mood. It had been a nice weekend together, but Sunday night meant time to go separate ways for another week. The proverbial elephant in the room was looming, and it wouldn’t do either of them any good to ignore it, and she knew Joe wasn’t the one to bring up touchy subjects.

 _Best to get this over with._ “So, are you taking the job in Colorado or are you staying here in New York?” Angie braced herself for an answer she didn’t really want to hear. They’d been dating for two years, and he’d been looking for a different employer, but nothing local seemed to entice him.

“Well…..” Joe sighed “I was thinking about that. Going out west means that we’re done. And I know we’ve talked about having a non-dependent relationship where we’re fine without the other person.”

Angie winced. _Fuck, he’s gonna dump my ass._ She could feel her face getting red. _Just keep your shit together. Breathe, woman, breathe. It’ll be over soon._

Joe slumped on the couch staring at his hands. “And I’ve decided I’m not okay with that. I…I can’t just give up what we have a built for a chance to get a job that pays better. And I know it’s unfair to ask you to give up your career to follow me because it’s…what’s the word you use….unorthodox? So yeah, better job be damned, I’m staying here.”

Angie let out the breath she had been holding. _I’m so happy I was wrong_ she thought, slinking up next to Joe on the couch and burying her face in his chest. She splayed her legs over his lap as he protectively wrapped his arms around her.

“Anyway, I’d rather have the shittiest job in the world while living in some hellhole and come home to you than have millions of dollars and not have you by my side, Ang.”

“Iff dobbt tah ist pat” she mumbled into his shirt.

He chuckled “Care to translate?”

“I doubt that last part. Millions does sound kind of nice.” Angie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand “…anyways, imagine all the tittles and beer millions can buy.”

The smirk on Angie’s face caused Joe to erupt in laughter. “I love you, you crazy nerdy pervert lady. Don’t ever change.”

“Love you too, Weirdobeardo.”

“And I mean it. I know we want to be the type of people that are fine without each other, but my life is way better with you in it. I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time.”

Angie snapped out of her daydream with a crash and a yelp. Scalding hot tea had managed to find its way to the floor and her foot. _Fuck! Gahh_ she threw a kitchen towel over the offending liquid and grabbed another one to dry off her foot. Cursing, she finished mopping up the floor and picking up the broken shards of what was supposed to be a delightful cup of tea. Grabbing another mug, she plunked in another tea bag and added some still hot water from the kettle. Staring oddly at the counter, she pushed the mug away from the edge. _And after all this shit, still absent minded…..better let Betsy know I’m trashing her dishes._

She grabbed her phone from its charger and curled up on the corner of the couch – the damn thing was overflowing with notifications – quite a few emails, a handful of missed calls, a voicemail and a couple text messages. One was from Betsy.

 

>  Hey, just wondering how you’re getting on?

Angie smiled. She was glad she picked this place instead of a hotel or hostel.

 

>  The flat is lovely. Unfortunately, one of your mugs met its demise with the floor. Sorry about that.
> 
> Oh, that's alright, it happens. I know its rainy, but if you need to be out and about I leave umbrellas in the front closet.

_Bless you kind-hearted woman because I forgot mine._

 

>  Ok, wonderful. Thanks, Betsy.

She stared at her phone and chuckled. _Why the fuck not._ Getting up and retrieving the scrap of paper out of her coat pocket, she entered in her new contact into her phone and chuckled. _Hopefully this will just be a fun distraction on a rainy day._

 

>   Ground Control to Major Tom. It’s Ang and I’m wondering what is recommended for a rainy day activity?

 She set down her phone and fetched her tea. She heard her phone vibrate as she returned to the couch.

 

>  Major Tom to Ground Control. We do not discuss those things in polite company although I believe all the cool kids refer to it as Netflix and Chill.

Angie barely managed to swallow her mouthful of tea before erupting into laughter. She barely regained her composure when her phone vibrated again.

 

>  Too soon?

_That’s a loaded question._

 

>  Just soon enough I needed that laugh although my tea was almost a casualty.

_It felt good to laugh_.

 

> Well if a laugh is what you need, then I have just the idea. But I’m afraid I can’t tell you what it is unless you join me for dinner.

Angie’s jaw hit the floor. Good thing she wasn’t drinking anything when she read that because it would have been on the opposing wall. _Dinner with an interesting person isn’t such a terrible thing. This isn’t a date…_

 

>  I suppose that would be all right. Please tell me jeans and a t-shirt are acceptable attire because I really don’t do the whole girly thing.

She hit send before realizing that her word choice made the whole thing seem bitchy. She didn’t even have a chance to say something to cover her sass before her phone vibrated again.

 

>  That’s perfect.
> 
> I’ll pick you up at 5?

She stared at the phone for a few seconds, wondering if the text was either going to transform into something else or disappear completely.

 

> Sure, sounds great.

Angie typed out the address of the place 3 doors down the street and told him she’d meet him out front. _Shit, this sounds like a date. What the hell am I doing?_

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Angie is excited, terrified, and barely keeping her shit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I was writing this chapter (and outlining the next couple) I realized I didn't like the initial timeline. Edited previous chapters for continuity purposes, so there's no time jump, it's still the same day as chapter 5.

Angie brushed her long brown hair and threw it up into a sloppy bun. Sure, she was going out for some dinner and probably some unknown shenanigans with Tom, but that didn’t make it a date, right? _It can’t be a date if I’m not wearing makeup_ she bullshitted to herself as she pulled on her favorite jeans. A faded, sky blue t-shirt with “CAN I PET YOUR DOG” written across it and a faded navy-blue hoodie completed her slacker-casual ensemble. She still felt uneasy about going out, so she wrote Tom’s name and number on a piece of paper, with the days date and ‘date, 5pm’ on it. She may not have a network of friends watching her back here, but she’s still not dumb enough to leave no tracks in case something went down.   _This is exciting and terrifying. I just hope I can get through the night without…well…being an emotional bag of crazy._ She sighed and grabbed her things.

She was ready fifteen minutes sooner than he said he’d be there, but that was the point. Angie slipped out her front door with her bag and strolled three doors down. Lucky for her, the rain had stopped. She made herself comfortable leaning against he doorway. Barely two minutes had passed until she noticed Tom walking towards her. She couldn’t help but smile – he was dressed in jeans and a dark grey hoodie paired with a red and blue plaid flannel shirt. Yes, _that_ red and blue plaid flannel shirt, the one where the top two buttons just don’t function. A quiet giggle escaped from her lips.

“There you are, Ang. Hello, darling.” Tom grinned at her.  “Something funny?”

“Hi Tom….eh, inside joke?” She stifled another chuckle.

“Ehehehe. Care to share?”

“If I did, it wouldn’t be an inside joke.” _Goddamnit woman stop giggling like a five year old!_ “So, erm, nope!”

“Ehehehehe. Nice to hear you like jokes. But first, dinner! I know this really great place, it’s about a 15 minute walk. Ready?” Tom extended his hand towards her.

“Yep, let’s roll.” She pushed herself off the doorway, shoving her hands in her pockets while being oblivious to Tom’s outstretched one. Tom pointed in their intended direction then they ambled down the street.

They walked for a few moments in silence. Angie was too busy dealing with the chatter in her head to notice that Tom was studying the shifting looks on her face. “So, Ang. How much exploring have you been able to do since you’ve been here?”

“Um, not too much. But it hasn’t even been two days, and I’m not in a hurry because I honestly have no idea how long I’m staying.” She abruptly stopped talking and took a deep breath. Tom stopped walking and looked quizzically at her.

“Darling, are you all right?”

 _Shit_ Angie gulped and stared at her feet. “Yeah, I’ve, umm, got a lot flying around my brain right now.” Her face contorted. “I’m, umm, I guess having a hard time with…. ummm…. this…. uhhhhh…” _It’s been four months and four days._

She felt Tom’s finger slip under her chin to coax her out of her downward stare. “Ang, look at me.” She moved her head until she was looking into his hazel eyes, a look of worry plastered on his face. “Are you able to tell me what’s wrong? Would you rather go back to yours than…urhm…go out?”

Angie let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I…I…I’m okay with still going out. I just, erm, my mind is sort of betraying me.” Tom nodded and removed his hand from under her chin, only to place it gently on her shoulder.

“Shall we then? Not much further, and they know we’re coming, so we’ll have a good quiet spot.”

Angie nodded, and they continued down the street.

They slipped into what ended up being one of Tom’s favorite pubs, and true to Tom’s word the was a quiet table waiting in the back corner for them. After removing their hoodies and getting comfortable in their seats, Tom let out a laugh. Angie raised her eyebrow at him and he grinned and pointed at her shirt.

She looked down and then back at Tom and grinned. “What? Dogs are awesome!”

“I know, I’ve got Bobby at home myself. He’s a good boy.”

Ang’s grin started to fade. “I, uhh, had two before I came to England.” Time for Tom’s eyebrows to raise. “Well, it’s a …”

They were interrupted by the waiter bringing their drinks _hooray for beer_ and taking their dinner order _mmmm…….burger_.

Ang grabbed her pint with her left hand and took a sip. _Carbonated happiness_ she thought, as the set the beer back down. She looked at Tom and went to continue her thought from earlier, but stopped once she noticed the pained look on his face. “Umm, Tom, are _you_ okay?”

He tapped on the metal and wood ring on her left hand. “I didn’t know you were…umm…married.” His jaw was tense and his face was starting to turn red.

“Well, I was.” Angie whispered. _It’s been four months and four days._ “The term now is technically, uh, widowed.” Angie took another sip of her beer “And, um, this whole thing is messing with me so can I ask you one favor?” Tom nodded his head slowly “Can this be not-a-date?”

Tom smiled. “Of course, darling.” He reached over and patted her hand. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Angie smiled weakly. _Wow, he looks…..disappointed._ “It’s not that I’m not interested. It’s that I’m, uhhh, I’m not ready for anything like that yet.” Tom nodded.

“That’s fine darling, no worries. Oooh, food! Thank you!” Tom raised his glass “Here’s to our not-a-date, Miss Angie. Cheers!”

Angie followed suit as she clinked her glass with the raised one before her. She smiled and took a sip, hoping she would be able to keep herself together for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm debating whether to continue this fic, at least in its current form.


	7. Chapter 7

They spent the rest of dinner enjoying London’s best burger’s and chips, arguing over whether they are chips or fries, and generally having a pleasant time with small talk. Angie became flustered when Tom insisted on picking up the tab ‘my idea, my treat, dear Ang’.

“Well…” Tom started, looking at his watch “well…shit. Looks like we’re going to be extremely fashionably late if we’re going to do what I had originally planned. Unless you’d rather just wander around and see the sights?”

Angie felt embarrassed _all because I couldn’t keep my shit together_ “Sorry, that was…”

“…not your fault.” Tom interjected. “There’s no need to apologize, time flies when you’re having fun. Plus, I greatly mistimed our walk here – it’s a a 40 minute walk, not a 15 minute run. So, we can do the thing, just know that we might get heckled upon entrance, or we can wander and enjoy. Or I can take you back to yours if you’d like.” Tom looked slightly defeated. Angie guess he was setting himself up for taking her back.

“How about the second? I’m enjoying my time out but am not really in the mood to be heckled. Unless...” she cut herself off before any more could leave her mouth.

Tom beamed. “Unless what, darling?”

Was he seriously doing that eyebrow thing again? “Hrm, maybe I’ll tell you later. Let’s go.” _Phew_ she thought _better watch my mouth or I’m gonna eat my words. I do not have my shit together to be messing around with anyone, let alone Mr. McDreamypants over here._ Angie couldn’t deny that she felt some sort of connection, but she feared getting attached. The last person she was attached to was ripped away from her with no notice. They set off walking down a quiet street.

Soon, they were in another park. “So, where are we, exactly?” Angie shivered as she zipped up her hoodie.

“Hampstead Heath. There’s a delightful spot up here with a wonderful view of London’s skyline.” She felt Tom place his hand on her lower back. “This is one of my favorite places. Bobby loves it here too.”

Angie snorted.

“What!?!”

“You know you’re going to have to explain to Bobby why you took some weird girl to his park.”

He laughed, crossing his arms across his chest. “He’ll get over it.”

“And even worse, you went to his park without him!” He was still laughing! “Imagine his face when you get home!! ‘ _Hoooow coooould youuuuuu!” Noooooo!!! My doggie heart is shattered into a zillion bits but it can be fixed with BACON!!!!!_ ’” Angie spied Tom wiping his eyes.

“Ehehehehehe. Yeah, that probably will be his reaction.” They were at the top of the hill, and the lights of the city twinkled in the distance. “I take it you’re fluent in dog?”

“Extremely. I, uhh…” Angie shoved her hands in her pockets, took a deep breath and sighed. “I used to ‘translate’ what the dogs were saying for Joe. Mostly to see what crazy shit I could get away with saying before he rolled his eyes.” _Ugh the feels._ “It was always….fun. Broke up the stupid of everyday life. Plus Sim had one of those adorable expressive faces and Doodles was a doofus, so I never ran out of material”.

Tom placed his arm over Angie’s shoulders, who shivered under his touch. Removing his arm, Tom zipped off his hoodie and draped it over Angie’s shivering frame. “Really Tom, there’s no need for that. Plus, you’re gonna get cold yourself.”

“It’s fine. Plus, we’re not too far from mine. I can always go grab a hoodie. And you could meet Bobby if you’d like?” _Damn that raised eyebrow. Wait, did he just?_

“If you’re insisting I go meet your dog, I totally will. However, I do insist…”

“You have my full permission to pet my dog!” Tom was jumping up and down like an overexcited five-year-old. “Let’s go….I can’t wait to see what you translate for him!” _Did that motherfucker just wink at me?_

“Wait, shit! Tom!” She laughed and darted after the man who had started running down the hill. He stopped and turned around before she had time to put in the breaks. “Ooof…. hehehehe” and she collided with his solid muscle frame.

“Ehehe sorry. Well, not sorry. I got excited. And, well… this is, ermm, nice.” He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Angie face turned scarlet as Tom proceeded to grab her by the hand. “Let’s go, I bet Bobby will be endlessly excited to meet you.”

Tom was almost skipping the entire way back to his house. Angie wished she could bottle his energy and excitement for later. It kept her smiling and mostly from thinking about how this could be a completely catastrophic turn of events. They went through an inconspicuous black door in a nondescript brick wall into a neat courtyard facing a quaint white house. Barking greeted them as they approached the front door.

“Bobby, really?” Angie stifled a laugh at Tom’s mild distress. The door opened, and Tom caught Bobby before he could bolt out the door. “Sorry, he needs to work on his manners. Bobby, sit!” The excited canine sat with his tail thumping as his owner located his lead and snapped it on his collar. “Now Bobby, remember, no jumping. Go on, go say hi..”

And with that, the energetic ball of fur ran down the steps and into Angie’s legs. “Hey, little buddy!” She cooed at him. Bobby pressed his butt into Angie’s knees, and she obliged him by scratching him right at the base of his tail. “You are just like your human!”

“Hey, I heard that!” Tome laughed “Come on Bobby, time to wee.

“I didn’t say that was a bad thing. Although unlike dogs, it probably isn’t a good idea for you to be presenting your butt when you first meet someone.”

“What about the third time?” Abby facepalmed. “OK, the fourth.”

Having done his business, Bobby went running back to Angie, who proceeded to scratch him behind the ears. “Little buddy, your human is a perv. Yes he is! Yes, he is!”

“Hey I heard that, too! Good thing Bobby likes you or I’d have to kick you out.” Tom stuck out his tongue at her. _Raspberries, really?_

“You wouldn’t dare, Hiddleston.”

“You’re right, I’d much rather have you in for a cuppa to warm up, if you’d like?”

 _Just shut up and go_ she thought _there’s no need to always be alone._ And with that thought, Angie and Bobby raced up the stairs into the comforts of Tom’s home.

~*~*~

The View from Hampstead Heath, courtesy https://monicahubrich.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/hampstead-heath-night1.jpg


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. We must stand up and move on to the next action.  
> — Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

“Welcome to my place. I, umm, wasn’t expecting company, so I do apologize for the mess, but please, make yourself at home.” Tom smiled, kicked off his shoes, and wandered off towards the kitchen. From what she could see, the house was modest and comfortable. _Thank fuck, there’s nothing worse than a house where you can’t feel like you can even sit down._   A much-loved couch and a few comfortable chairs combined with walls of overflowing bookshelves made her want to grab a stack of books, curl up, and binge read. Bobby nudged her hand.

“Hey little buddy, let’s go find your human.” His ears perked up and he trotted off toward the kitchen. Abby took of her shoes and followed the happy canine. She stood in the doorway watching his every move

“Nice place, Tom. How long have you been here?” He had filled the kettle and flicked it on, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard and setting them down on the table.

“Almost 8 years. Managed to find it after Thor, and I was lucky enough that it was in my price range.” He smiled. “Plus, it’s a great location overlooking the park, rather private, great neighbors, and it just feels like home. Although I am considering moving to the countryside.”

“Walls closing in?” Angie smiled. “I get that. After Joe moved in with me, we started looking for a house in the country.” Angie’s eyes went wide after she realized what had escaped her mouth.

Tom walked across the kitchen until he stood in front of Angie, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Ang, darling, look at me.” She gulped and raised her still widened eyes to his. “Given the little bit of information you’ve given me in the past few days, I have a hunch that whatever you’ve been through hasn’t been a good experience and I understand that. But please, don’t feel like you can’t talk freely. I can’t say that I know how you feel or understand what you’re going through as I’ve never lost someone I love but I can’t imagine that beating yourself up after mentioning any of it is helping you heal or deal with your grief. So please, do not feel like you need to watch your words around me. Anyways,” as he brushed a few stray hairs out of her tear-filled eyes “this is not a date, so that stupid unspoken rule of pretending we’ve never been with anyone else doesn’t apply.” He watched as the tears began to stream down her cheeks. “How about a hug, okay?”

Angie wrapped her arms around the man in front of her and dried her tears on his shirt. “Thanks, Tom.”

He gently kissed her forehead. “Anytime. I know it’s better to get it out and deal. Plus, we’re trying this new thing, Hems and I call it ‘Thorapy’. So you know, anytime….”

Angie snorted and wiped her eyes with her hand. “Suuuper cheesy.”

“Yes, but it made you laugh.”

“You got me there.” Angie couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. _Didn’t expect that._

The kettle began to whistle causing Tom to cross the kitchen in three strides. He fished the teabags out of the cupboard, plopping one in each mug and pouring the boiling water over the bags. “Darling why don’t you go have a seat in the living room. How do you take your tea?”

“Cream only, thank you. And, umm, I can wait here. Unless you really want me to go reorder your entire book collection as fast as I can…” Angie smirked.

“You. Wouldn’t. Dare!”

“Yes, I would!” She sauntered out of the kitchen.

Tom signed as he finished making tea. Luckily for him, awaiting him in the living room was Angie, running her finger over the spine of each books on one of his shelves. “See anything you’d like to read?”

“Only about half of what’s there. At least.” A delightfully warm, perfectly brewed cup was put in her hands. “Mmmmm…..thank you.”

Tom settled himself on the end of the comfortable looking brown leather couch. Bobby jumped up and took the other end. “Bobby...” Tom protested.

“Awwww, look at that face. He’s sulking that not only did you take a girl to his park without him, but now you’re kicking him off the couch. How. Dare. You.” Angie jested. She sat down between Tom and Bobby, curling her legs underneath her. “Poor pooch” Scratching him behind the ears.

“I’m beginning to think you like my dog more than you like me” _Did that motherfucker just wink at me?_

“Well, you seemed awfully insistent that I meet him. Anyway “she grinned “the shirt made you do it. Scientifically speaking, any writing on boobs is more convincing; it’s a fact.”

Tom suppressed a giggle as he struggled to down the tea in his mouth.

“WHAT?!?!”

“Ang, you are something else.” He smiled.

“Well, so are you. Thank you for earlier. I, umm, have been having a hard time dealing, I guess. Back home people would flinch if I would start to talk about it. I guess they just really didn’t want to see me get upset.”

Tom nodded. “But how are you supposed to deal with what you’ve been through if you’re not able to talk freely about what happened?”

She shrugged. “Dunno. I just, I don’t know. And it was such a giant middle finger, and completely preventable. Stupid fucking drunk driver.” Tom nodded. Angie looked at the mug in her hands and sighed. “And I know it’s all real. I know Joe is never coming back. And if he was, zombies really aren’t my kink. But the worst part is, the nightmares, and the flashbacks, and the hallucinations. The nightmares mean I don’t sleep, not sleeping means I can’t focus, and not being able to focus makes my mind play terrible tricks on me.”

“So that was the nightmare on the plane.” Angie nodded. Tears were starting to gather on her lower eyelids. Tom placed his mug on the side table. He took Angie’s mug from her hand, and set it beside his, then drew her into an enormous hug.

“It’s the little, constant daily reminders back home that made travelling seem like a good idea. I was hoping a change of place would bring a more peaceful mind.” Angie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then proceeded to wrap her arms around the man that was still hugging her. “Thank you for listening. And letting me talk. And for company. It’s, umm, nice not to be alone with my own thoughts for a change.”

Tom kissed the head of the teary-eyed brunette in his arms. “Anytime. Look, I’m going to be 100% honest here. I know you’re not ready for anything other than friends, but I would really like to get to know you better, in whatever way I am able to. Is that okay with you?”

Angie slowly nodded her head and let out a sigh. _Doomed._ “I can’t promise I can keep my shit together…”

“I never asked you to.”

“I know, but I don’t like ruining good things before they start because I’m a basket case.”

Tom gave Angie a squeeze. “Darling, you’re not a basket case. We all have our baggage.”

“I have luggage.”

“Me too. Matched nine-piece set. So relax, please.”

Angie broke from his embrace and wiped her eyes again.  

“Do you feel better, darling?” She nodded. “Good. Round one of Thorapy was a great success then. It’s wonderful to see you smile.”

She chuckled and blushed.   _Yep. Doomed._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough one for me to write. Shit happens. Lotsa dialogue, mainly from Angie. Trigger warning for Joe's accident and the fallout.
> 
> Suggestions for what's next encouraged.

Angie awoke the next morning feelings oddly refreshed. It had been months since she had woken up feeling anything other than exhausted. Way too comfortable to even bother with opening her eyes, she attempted to roll over, sticking her elbow in Tom’s ribs in the process.

“Ah, good morning, darling” _Shit, my pillow is talking!!_ She pried one eye open. “You looked so comfortable I didn’t want to wake you….ehehehe.” Tom wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze.

“Mmmmphh no squishhhh ugh” she mumbled while rolling over, only to ungracefully faceplant on Tom’s chest. “Mmphhck. Gaahrr”

“Ehehehehehehe” Finding herself sprawled over Tom and Tom’s couch, she worked on slowly peeling herself off of him _goddamnholy mother of god those abs_ she sat back on her knees and stretched.

“So, bad movie night must have been really bad if we both crashed on the couch. But yeah, Robot Monster is way better if you make up your own dialogue.” She added, laughing with flailing robot arms. “Error! Error!”

“Coffee?”

“Ohgodyes.”

Tom looked at his neglected pooch. “Comeon, Bobby, time for you to go out. Your eyes are floating, buddy!”

~*~*~

Angie splashed her face with cool water from the sink in the loo. _What the fucking fuck_ she thought. Drying her face with a hand towel, she shook off the odd idea and sauntered off in search of coffee.

“Cream or sugar, darling?” _Damnit stop calling me that!!_

“Cream, please. I can get it.” She crossed the kitchen to retrieve her freshly filled mug when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Angie, about last night.” She heard Tom take a deep breath.

“Nothing happened. We…..we watched a terrible movie and fell asleep. Apparently, you were quite comfortable in more ways than one. It’s really not a big deal.”

“But Ang, I..”

She spun around to look at Tom. She chuckled quietly, and the pout that Tom was sporting turned into a look of confusion. “I know it’s rude to laugh, but your face says I just kicked your puppy. Which I would never do, thankyouverymuch” pointing at her shirt for extra emphasis. He chuckled, bowing his head.

“I know Ang, it’s just. I, erhm”

She booped his nose. “Hey. I enjoyed myself last night. I’m not going to deny that. You’re enjoyable to spend time with. I just have to deal with the shit in my head.” She saw Tom nod in agreement. “I guess it’s why I sort of freaked out over last night not being a date.” She added, wringing her hands. “Even though, somehow you ended up being a really comfy pillow. Sorry. Well, not sorry. But sorry.”

“Not sorry.” He laughed, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Listen, I’m willing to see what the fuck happens here. I mean, I’ve got a terrible track record.”

“Mine was shit too until about five months ago.” _Damnit!_

“Well your record is better than mine. Maybe give it a go then? Worse thing that happens is becoming very good friends.”

“Worse thing is I call the paps to follow your every fucking move everywhere.” His hands dropped from her shoulders with a sigh. “Sorry, that was just mean. I’d never do that, I sorta value my privacy. And therefore, yours as well, if anything’s gonna happen.”

“I can’t promise the media won’t intrude. I’m sure as soon as anything gets out...even as friends...ugh…I hate media scrutiny” He ran his hands through his curls. “Shit, I can’t promise my fans won’t start anything. If, uh, two summers ago was anything to go by. Ugh.”

“I recommend you promise nothing, mister.” She raised her eyes to his.

“Well, I promise that I’d like to try to see where this all goes.” _That. Fucking. Eyebrow! Again!!!!_

“I can’t promise shit. But I’ll try to, ummm, try. You know, to keep my shit together.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Angie turned around and made a comical barfing noise. Tom looked at her quizzically. “Sorry Hiddles, you’re too fucking sweet. Gonna make me sick.”

“Hiddles?”

Angie grabbed her previously neglected coffee, slurping some down and shrugging. “Dude, T-slice is taken.” She sauntered off to the living room, calling over her shoulder “we should continue this conversation in here but I daresay your couch is missing a very comfortable pillow!”

Angie was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the couch with a very spoiled Bobby sprawled across her lap getting bellyrubs. Tom took his place to her left, enjoying the view before him. “Looks like someone felt left out last night” he teased.

“He just knows I’m a sucker for cute dogs.” Her eyes softened.

“So, Tom, I sort of feel like I should just tell you what the fuck happened. For a few reasons. I mean, it was a series of life-changing shit that’s still affecting me, and it probably will for a long time. And you’ve been nothing but understanding for absolutely no fucking reason other than you’re a nice guy, so I figure after you hear me out, you can decide if you want to deal with the crazy.” She moved her eyes from Bobby to Tom “Okay? I mean…”

“You can tell me whatever you’d like.”

“I just need to figure out where to begin” she sighed.

“How about…the beginning?” Tom smiled.

“Ass.” Angie muttered, returning her eyes to Bobby. She had missed having the unconditional love of a dog, even if the dog wasn’t her own. His owner seemed to be getting attached in his own way.

“Ok then, the beginning.” Taking a deep breath, she made a silent promise to herself to try not to cry. For as long as possible.

“I met Joe online. We lived about an hour and a half apart, but we had talked for about 2 months before deciding to meet. He was a computer nerd, I was a science nerd, and it was really nice to be able to have a conversation with someone who could form an entire thought without bringing up their dick.”

“Guys seriously do that?” he chuckled.

“Yeah, even to non-twiggies like me. They get even more offended when you insult their dick that you didn’t even want to see in the first place. And then they tell you you’re fat and ugly and desperate but whatever, I digress. Anywho, we met online, we had a nice date going hiking in a state park, then he came up near mine to hike for our second. We sat by a lake and he told me he liked me. Then we started seeing each other on weekends. Things were nice, simple. We got along wonderfully. But then he started looking for jobs maybe 6 months after we were together. Long story extremely short, in the 14 months that followed he sent out 3 massive batches of applications, mostly to the west coast with one going to Albany which is about an hour from where I owned my house, and one going to Maine, which was five hours from my house. So by that point we were together for almost 2 years. He had turned down the Albany job even though it was a 20k pay raise, even though I told him he could live with me and commute in like I did, although he said living with me wasn’t an option because he wasn’t ready for that yet. He was considering the Maine job because we could ‘still see each other on weekends’. When he said that, I ended up making the mental note that if he found something elsewhere that I was just going to let him take the opportunity without me. Joe never got the Maine job”

Angie took a moment to roll her shoulders to release the tension that had been building. “It was weird, because I had someone I had clicked with so well but they seemed so hell bent on being far away from where I had set down roots. And most people would just go “get another job” but with what my career was, it would be hard for me to just drop everything and go to a new institution.”

“What did you do?”

“I was a lab manager in an academic research lab. Technically speaking, with my education, I should have only been a technician. But, I took on a lot of responsibilities including teaching the new students and a lot of experimental design and getting some new techniques in lab and my boss found me indispensable.  She treated me like a postdoc even though I lacked the formal education. I know that I would never find a place that I could work in that capacity like her lab. I even had a first author paper. My real only other option would be to take a massive pay cut and start over. And how the fuck was that fair?”

“That’s a good point”

“Anyway, I had only told my best friend and my work wife that if he got a job far away with the next round of applications that I was just going to let him take it. I was emotionally wiped by that point, and it was starting to badly effect our relationship. And wouldn’t you know, the next offer he got was in Albany.”

“That was lucky for you!”

“In a way it was, but I had spent so much time preparing myself for him leaving that I had sort of distanced myself a bit. So, he had six weeks to move from closer to Albany.”

“Did he move in with you?”

“Well, no. He was actually very adamant that he get a place close to work. He didn’t want a commute. But he didn’t like anything there after looking for 3 weeks. Then, he started saying he wanted to not live where I did, but somewhere between me and his job. But he didn’t like any of those either. A week before he had to be out of his old place, he said he wanted to move in.”

“That’s great!” Tom interjected, smiling.

Angie glanced sideways at him “I told him no, Tom.” Tom’s smile faded. “After 14 months a wanting to be far, far away followed with another 5 saying ‘I don’t want to live with you’, why would I let him live with me? I was pissed, and I told him I wasn’t ready.  Plus, in my mind, I needed to make sure that he wasn’t going to hate this job only to find something better far, far away.”

Angie took a few moments to gather her thoughts, returning her gaze to the splayed pooch who was half-asleep on her lap. “So, he got a place halfway between work and me. He was there for 18 months, because when his lease was up he didn’t give enough warning for him to move out and they renewed him so he stayed through winter. Then he moved in, even with the commute. Soon after, we started looking for our own place. We talked about marriage and kids, found a lovely house in a kickass school district, rented out my old house, and started our life together.”

“That’s lovely. How did he propose?”

Angie chuckled. “He didn’t.”

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me, he didn’t.” Angie rolled the building tension out of her shoulders again. “Joe wasn’t a textbook romantic by any means. He showed love for me by staying by my side when I had a really bad bout of depression mixed with insomnia. I was not a pleasant human, and he still was there and took care of me. We didn’t do flowers or cards, or even celebrate birthdays or Christmas. We didn’t make a big deal out of stuff. When we bought our place, we had discussed getting married that year just to make the legalities of owning a house together easier, but when summer had come and gone, I just asked him if we were still getting married and he said yeah. Two months later, we were.”

“Was it everything you hoped it would be? I mean, every woman dreams of that stuff, right?”

“It wasn’t traditional by any means. We wanted small, private, meaningful, and it was. It was very...us. We wanted to go where we had our second date, but with an 8 mile round trip hike and my best friend not being a hiker and having a wee one, we decided on something easier. She, her husband, the wee bit, and Joe’s bestie were the only people there.  Of course, unless you count Doodles and Sim. We brought our kids.“

She rolled her shoulders again. “We got married one the banks of the confluence of the Sacandaga rivers. Jayce did our handfasting, complete with Princess Bride and Spaceballs references. Whisky toast on the riverbanks, pictures for the parents, and pot roast at home. Low key, good friends, called our parents the next morning.”

“How’d they take it?”

“They thought it was great. Very ‘us’. They know I have meltdowns in big crowds, and they know I don’t like attention. And it was great. Married life was just like we were dating, except I got to call him hubs instead of ‘the boy’ and we were okay if a kid magically happened. And, umm, it looked like it was gonna happen.” She chuckled. “But it all changed. Fast.”

Tom had placed his hand on her knee. Angie took a deep breath and continued. “Joe was coming back from taking the kids to the vet. I was on my way home from a late day work, even though I was supposed to be home in time to go to the vets with him. I never heard my phone ring, so I didn’t answer. He was about 5 minutes from home when a drunk driver in a Ford 250 forgot to slow down and make the turn where Joe was stopped.” Angie’s voice was starting to crack. _Just keep petting this adorable dog and let the words come out_. “Joe and …and the dogs were umm….. killed….instantly….which I guess is the only good thing. The drunk driver got a few bruises. They estimated he was going 85 in a 55 when he didn’t slow down or make the turn.” Abby slouched down, letting the tears freely fall down her cheeks and into her lap as Tom rubbed her back. Her voice was very audible. “He was….he was leaving me a voicemail when it happened. The State Police came to my house. I had to identify him and, I.. I...I couldn't make out his...face. And, uhh, a week later I, uhh…I…mis….miscarried. They ...the doctors...they blamed it on stress.”

She felt two arms wrap around her as her vision went hazy. Tom was murmuring soothing words to her, encouraging her to let out whatever she needed. She leaned into him as he tightened his embrace. Bobby jumped to the floor.

“I…I lost my rock. I lost my dogs. I lost my kid even though it was only the size of an olive. And I lost the future I was looking forward to having. And I don’t…I…I don’t think I’ll get that chance again. Depression…it…depression doesn’t even begin to cover what followed. I thought I should have been in the car and I still feel like should have been. There was no funeral, Joe didn’t want one. His life insurance paid off the house or I would have lost that too.” Angie felt a tissue being placed into her trembling hand. “Thanks.” _Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out._  “I blocked out most of the trial, I only went because my lawyer dragged me there. We had to drive by the accident site twice a day. That was horrible. I remember being very angry. He did good and got the fucker for aggravated vehicular manslaughter. But once it was over, I just couldn’t be there anymore. Couldn’t sleep. Too many nightmares, house was too quiet. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t think enough to science thanks to not sleeping. I took a sabbatical from work but I might call and quit because I don’t know if I can just go back. Home doesn’t feel like…home. And I still feel like shit, even with therapy. And meds.”

She felt a squeeze.. “So that’s why adventure wasn’t the right word.” She nodded. “You’ve been through so much, darling. I can’t even imagine.”

“Yeah, I didn’t want the sun to set on this chapter of my life. At least not so soon. Things were going so well. Hand was forced. Shit’s unfair.” She dried her eyes with her mangled tissue. “Waiting for sun to rise on the next one but damn it’s been a long ass night.”

Tom rested his chin on top of her head. “Night is always darkest before dawn.”

“The Dawn needs to move her ass so night can go fuck itself.”

Tom chuckled “That’s the spirit, darling.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we understand a little more about Angie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, really late update. It's short and I wrote it on my phone ~~, so if the formatting is horrendous I'll fix it when I get back to a computer in two days~~ formatting fixed huzzah huzzah.
> 
> On a weird aside, hubs, dogs and I were rear ended by a tractor trailer yesterday as we were trying to get from SC to NY. All got out okay with the exception of the car.
> 
> In some cases, it's really good that life doesn't imitate fanfic (in others, not so much - meeting Hiddleston probably wouldn't be a terrible thing to happen).

The rest of the morning was rather quiet, filled with tea and chatter of books and dogs. Ang was exhausted from emotional overload and the resulting verbal diarrhea, but she did have to admit that it felt good to be completely open about how she felt. After all, it wasn’t like any person back home allowed her to really say how she was feeling, other than her therapist.

“Shit.”

“What is it, Ang?”

“I need to go back to mine. I, umm, didn’t bring my meds.”

“Can I drive you? It’s a bit of a walk.” Angie smiled weakly and nodded. “Okay, off we go then.” She bid her farewell to Bobby, telling him to be a good puppy and that maybe she’d get to see him again adding in a few more ear scratches for good measure.

They both wandered out the front door towards the simple, solitary black car in the driveway. Tom opened and held the passenger door and chuckled when Angie looked back at him, puzzled. “I’m assuming you’d rather not drive, right darling?”

  
“I forgot that you crazy island-dwelling people drive on the wrong side of the road.” Angie caught Tom rolling his eyes and grinning as they both buckled in. “Do you remember where I’m staying?” Tom nodded. “Good, because I know the address, just not how the hell to get there unless I use a map.”

It was a short, quiet drive but Tom managed to find a place to park in front of the door where he picked her up. Dazed, Angie managed to peel herself out of the car before Tom could get around and help her out, and a look of surprise was on Tom’s face when she pulled out the key for the blue door three doors behind the car, pushing open after unlocking it, and and stepping over the threshold.

“Yeah, umm, I’m here. You can come up, it’s okay.” She held the door beckoning Tom inside. He quickly obliged and followed her up the stairs.

Unceremoniously unlocking her flat, she sauntered in, flinging her bag onto the couch. “You know Tom, the flat isn’t gonna bite. You can come in and make yourself comfortable.”

Tom settled into the corner of the couch not occupied by Angie’s bag. He watched as she grabbed a few bottles, shaking the pills out and downing then with a fresh glass of water. “Are you okay, darling?”

“Yes and no. I’m okay, but exhausted. Low on spoons after this morning and not taking my meds on time. I should have brought them with me that was dumb.” Angie pulled out a second glass and filled it with water, and grabbed a bunch of silverware our of her kitchen drawer.

“Now, don’t be so hard on yourself. But….spoons? I don’t understand.”

Angie tried to muster up a smile at the confused looking Tom. She crossed to the couch, handing Tom a glass of water before shoving her bag to the floor before plopping herself in its place. She spread the assortment of spoons from her drawer on the cushion in between them.

“So, spoons. Umm, it’s a really good analogy for describing what it’s like to deal with chronic illness, either physical or mental. Very briefly, where normal people might be able to recharge, those of us with a limited number of spoons have an unknown amount to start each day. Like today, I thought I had a lot of spoons. Let’s say,' she counted quickly 'fifteen, okay?”

Tom nodded.

“Okay, so, the spoon fairy decides how many spoons you get. Some days they’re more generous than others. Today was a good day because this was the first time in over four months I haven’t had a nightmare.” Tom smiled and looked attentively at her.

“Yeah, so fifteen spoons. It may have been a good day, but I didn’t take my meds last night. So there goes two because I still woke up with a headache.” Two spoons were swept onto the floor with a clatter. “I, umm, got kinda anxious about not waking up alone, although it was nice it was a shock to my system. Plus missing my morning meds.” Another three clatter on the floor. “And, umm, the verbal diarrhea of telling my story.” She swept another 8 to the floor.

“Angie, you’ve got two left.”

“I know. I have to spend them carefully. I’m lucky that it rarely costs me a spoon to get out of bed or brush my teeth, at least not anymore, thanks to my meds and my therapist. But interacting with others still takes a lot out of me. So I have to be careful with my last two.” She slowly pushed a tarnished silver teaspoon spoon towards Tom, trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say as he wrapped his fingers around the handle.

“The most important thing about spoon theory is that we have to be very careful how we spend our spoons. Whether a high or low spoon day, we always spend them carefully, and we make sure that those we give our spoons to know that we value them enough to share our coveted and finite resource. And I’m choosing to share my spoons with you.”

Tom stared at the tarnished spoon held firmly in his grasp. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to spend your spoons on me, darling.”

“They’re mine to spend, and this is how I chose to spend them. Consider it a fair trade for a nightmare-free night.”

Tom slid across the couch enveloping her in a giant bear hug. “Thank you, darling. Although I’d prefer that our time together didn’t require an expenditure of silverware.”

Angie quietly laughed. “I can’t promise anything but it would be nice to get to that point.” She let out a drawn out sigh. “But with that, I think I need to crash. I’m physically and emotionally drained. I should also make a phone call to my therapist. I feel the need to discuss some things.”

Tom rose and pulled Angie off the couch into another bear hug. “Sounds like a great idea. I’ll leave you to it, and check in on you later?”

“Sounds good.” She said, nodding slowly.

“All right, love, I’ll talk with you soon.” Tom released Angie from his grasp. _Wait, what?!_

He let himself out of the flat, waving to her before gently shutting the door. Angie locked the door behind him, then grabbed a sleeve of crackers and sat on the couch, staring blankly out the window into the park in the distance.

She never did make that phone call. Hard to talk when you’re crying while attempting to eat crackers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats presented above isn't classic spoon theory but it does get the point across. I use it to explain what it's like living with depression and chronic illnesses in my life.
> 
> Spoon theory: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lie there and wait, and remind myself over and over that it doesn’t last forever. That there will be another day and after that, yet another day. One of those days, I’ll get up and eat breakfast and feel okay.
> 
> — E. Lockhart, We Were Liars

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Angie cracked open her eye that wasn’t smashed on the pillow underneath her head.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Groaning, she rolled out of bed, wrapping the blanket at the foot of the bed around her as she trudged towards the front door. Her pounding headache made her want to crawl right back into bed. _The asshole at the front door better have a fucking good reason for waking me at this ungodly hour._

_THUMP THUMP TH-_

She flipped the lock and ripped the door open to find a concerned looking Tom and a now very excited Bobby. She glowered at Tom than stole a glance at Bobby who was looking up at her and wagging his tail.

“Uhhh, come in? It’s uhhhh early.” Tom walked over the threshold and into her flat, quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Angie dear, it’s 2:30 in the afternoon.”

She shrugged. “Must have slept in. Oh well.” She glanced at Tom, who was holding Bobby’s leash with one hand and running his fingers through his hair with the other. He looked confused. Concerned? ….Embarrassed?

 It dawned on Angie that she was wearing nothing other than a tank top and a blanket. She laughed at herself. “Stupid fucking Mondays. Hold on, I’ll be right back. Have a seat stay a while.” Tom answered with something but she felt it was more important to pretend to be decent than polite. She quickly located and put on a pair of shorts, walking back towards the couch with her blanket still wrapped around her.

“Sorry Tom, I missed what you said, what?” Tom had made himself comfortable on the couch, dropping Bobby’s leash so he could get a good sniff of his surroundings.

“You know it’s Thursday, right?”

“What, what?” Angie’s eyes went wide. Tom nodded. “Fuck. I guess I never could get the hang of Thursdays.” She sank onto the couch, wondering where the time went. Everything was blurry. She knows she got up, mainly because peeing in bed _was not_ an option, and a few times at god-awful dark o’clock she decided it would be nice to drink some water or something. She remembered….not a lot….and ran her fingers through her hair to dispel her building tension. Or at least she tried to, until her fingers got stuck.

“Fuck me, I’m a mess.” Angie laughed uncomfortably.

“It’s okay. Sometimes you just need to be a mess. I just wanted to check in with you because I didn’t hear back from you for the past three days. I left a few messages and I called.”

“Shit, I don’t even….” Angie jumped off the couch in search of her mobile, since it wasn’t on the coffee table. Bedroom? Nope. Kitchen? Nada. Not in the bathroom either. She moved back towards the couch. “Can, you, ummm, check the couch cushions where you are sitting? That’s my last guess.”

Tom rummaged around between the cushions and the couch until a smile reached his face. Grinning, he produced a dingy and powered-off mobile. “How did you know to look there?”

“Well, ummm, I sat there for a while after you left. It must have fallen at some point and I either didn’t notice or care enough to get it.”

She plopped back down across from Tom and plugged the offending device into the charger. The screen turned on, and she placed it on the coffee table to finish booting. She contorted herself into lotus position and draped her blanket over her folded-up self.

“I must say, Angie, I’m glad you’re okay. I got worried when you didn’t write.”

Her phone started chiming and vibrating across the coffee table. “Sorry, I didn’t even, uhhhh….”

Bobby jumped up between the two humans, resting his head on Angie’s lap as she reached for her phone. Unlocking her screen, she was greeting with a barrage of text messages and missed phone calls.

“So, umm, I don’t know if I was thinking or dreaming for the past three but I think I need to decide if I’m going to go back to the States or staying abroad.” She opened a message from Betsy, informing her that the flat she was in was being rented in two days to another group. “Well, apparently soon. I guess I’m only here for two more days.”

The tears began to build in the corner of Angie’s eyes. She closed her eyes and took a series of deep breaths, focusing on her breathing but becoming distracted by a series of gentle caresses on her knee.

“Darling, can I ask you a few questions?” Angie nodded. “Have you had anything to eat today?” She shook her head no. “Have you had anything to drink?” Another negative nod. “Have you taken your meds?” She slumped her shoulders.

“I guess I’ve failed at being a responsible adult the past few days.” She wiped her now tear stained cheeks with the back of her hands.

“Stay right here, Darling. Love on Bobby, he’s been missing you the past few days. I’ll be right back.” Rising from the couch, he kissed the top of her forehead then quickly walked out the front door. Bobby raised his head in confusion at the sudden departure of his owner, but realized that he had a really awesome pillow and rolled over in the hopes that he might get some belly rubs.

Angie chuckled at the sight of Bobby being splayed out on the couch. Scrolling through her phone a bit more, she caught up on most of what she had missed in the past three days. She reached over to rub his belly and he licked her face in appreciation. “You’re a good boy. I miss my dogs. They used to make my bad days not as bad. You’re such a good boy.” She looked down at Bobby, stroking the face of the blissed-out pooch strewn across the couch. “I wish I could be like you and just enjoy life. You know, find someone to rub my belly and take me on walks.”

“You know, that could be arranged.” Tom had snuck in the front door carrying two cups of what she hoped was coffee and a non-descript white bag. He placed the cups and bag on the coffee table, then walked over to the kitchen, grabbing Angie’s meds and a glass of water. After setting everything next to Angie, he looked amused at his dog, who had now taken up the entire non-human-occupied portion of the couch. He shifted Bobby over and sat down, grabbing both cups and handing one to Angie. “Coffee ok?”

Angie nodded. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to...”

“Shush you. I wanted to.”

Angie nodded again. “I feel like I’m failing as a human. I feel lost. No direction. Just kind of…. flailing while pretending poorly to have my shit together. Apparently can't even answer the fucking phone. Two steps forward and fifteen steps back.” The coffee warmed her as she took a long sip. “A part of me really does think I should go back. I mean, the demon you know, right?”

Tom nodded. “I can understand that. What does the other part of you think?”

“To hell with everything, sell it all, and start the fuck over because at this point all I have is stuff.” Angie lazily rubbed Bobby’s belly. “Plus, I don’t know if going back to the house is in my best interest. It might be time for someone else to build better memories there than did. We had plans, but they weren’t able to become anything else.”

“Well, I have something for you to think about. And there’s no need for an answer now, but it’s an idea.” Tom knew he needed to pick his next words carefully.  “Stay in London. I’ve got a spare room, you’re welcome to it. No strings, no rent, no expectations, just flat mates. Well, I guess I can’t say no expectations. Bobby would fully expect belly rubs.”

Angie snorted at that revelation. “He does look miserable, doesn’t he.” Her brows furrowed in thought.

“Completely.” Tom let a small smile creep across his face.  “Think about it. You can use the time to find your direction again. Focus on yourself, find yourself.”

Angie nods. “There’s really not much to think about. Honestly, I’m hesitant about it all. Part of my brain says red flag warning, but the louder more obnoxious part of it says look there’s a puppy. Plus, if it sucks, I just go back home and wallow in self-pity there, right?”

“Go back or do whatever it is that you need to do. I’m just providing a safe and secure space here in London if you choose to stay. And Bobby.”

Angie sighs. “I guess that would be okay. I mean, I’m staying for Bobby, you know that, right? And I’m not a fucking freeloader so I’m throwing in where I can.”

"Not needed." Angie frowned at him.

Tom chuckles. “I’ll help you pack, darling.” He roared into laughter when he caught her glaring at him.

“It’s a suitcase! Not much to pack. Not like it matters, I’ve got two days to pack one measly suitcase.”

“Whatever your timeframe is works for me, darling. Now, take your meds, and let’s have a bite, yes?”

Angie popped open a few bottles and shook out her needed pills, gulping them down with the water. Tom quickly unwrapped a few pastries, setting them on the table.

“Ooooh, chocolate croissants!” Angie grabbed one and took a giant bite.

“ _Pain au chocolat_ , darling.”

“Also known as breakfast.” She said, taking another bite. “Sorrynotsorry, uncivilized, uncultured American in your presence. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten pastries like this before so excuse my ignorance.” Tom chuckled at her as he finished his pastry. “And Tom?”

“Yes, Angie?”

“Thanks.” She smiled, and looked at Bobby while scratching his chin. “Same to you, little buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next few chapters hashed out. As always, thanks for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update for the 10 of you that read this. If you're excited for updates, you're a champ! Yay, go you!

It’s 3am and Angie found herself nervously pacing the floor of her rented flat’s living room.  Being in a sleepy daze for the past _three days_ had really thrown her for a loop. She was beginning to question what little was left of her so-called sanity. The realization had hit her earlier that she had just agreed to move in with a stranger, in a foreign land, while she was battling with her mental demons. _This is either going to be awesome or be terrible. What’s the catch?_

Angie knew that after the past few days she really needed to find some sort of focus. Everything in her mind seemed so jumbled. Life still felt like one big waking dream, and she was waiting to wake up from the joke before it got too far. _There’s got to be a catch. Nobody offers free space just because they ‘want to’._

Earlier she had tried to pick up her sketchbook and draw but instead she just ended up staring blankly at the book in her hands. _What’s the catch?_

 _Focus, Brooks._ She glanced at the clock in the living room, and the offending device read 5:13. _Well, there’s no point in trying to go to sleep. But…._ She picked up her phone, ignoring the missed messages, and checked the weather forecast. _Might as well._

Angie shoved her phone into her purse, threw on a hoodie and slung on some shoes. She contemplated making herself look like a slightly more civilized member of society, but it’s dark out and _seriously, who the fuck cares_ she thought. And with that, she strolled out of her flat for the first time in days with a mission. But first…

 _Coffee. Nectar of the Gods. How do I love thee? Mainly with cream._ She chuckled to herself. The sky was beginning to lighten on the horizon as she made her way to Primrose Hill, the park empty with the exception of a few quickly moving humanoid forms in the distance. It was mornings like this where she missed her long-forgotten running habit. _Capris and a long sleeve. Industrial on shuffle. Feeling alive with movement._ Making her way up to the deserted viewpoint, she made a mental note of the quiet calm this time of day brought, settling down onto the center of a bench.

She heard the footfalls before the two humanoid forms soon ran past her perch. She saluted the both runners with her coffee and made a mental note to find a new pair of running shoes. The sky was beginning to have the slightest hint of pink in it when she tensed after hearing footsteps approaching and gradually slowing.

“Angie? What are you doing out so early?”

 _Fuck, that voice._ Tom sounded a little breathless, so she assumed that he was just finishing off his morning run. “I could say the same for you, but this used to be my favorite time of day to run, so I know why you’re out. Quiet, not busy, and nobody could see me haul my fat ass down the road because it was darkish. Plus, no sane person is up at this hour.” Tom chuckled uneasily at her statement. “Since I couldn’t sleep, I came to watch the sun rise, and to get some thinking done.”

“It’s a beautiful morning.”

“Yeah. It’s not bad. Not quite like home, but it’s not bad. How’s the run so far?” She didn’t bother to take her eyes of the lightening horizon.

“Nearly done. Was heading home when I recognized you. Thought I’d stop and see how you were since I didn’t hear back from you earlier.”

“By the time I looked at my phone at 5am I figured it’d be a bit assholish to respond that early. And here I was thinking you were slowing down because you hated hills.” She peeled her eyes off the London skyline, turning her heads toward Tom and sticking her tongue out at him. He was dressed in a black long sleeve shirt, black shorts, and black Nikes, complete with a mildly amused look on his face. “You’re welcome to stay and talk if you want, or you can finish your run like the ninja you are.”

 He laughed as he sat on Angie’s right. _That’s unnecessarily close there buddy._

“Ninja? Really?”

“Well, head to toe in black at this time of morning means drivers can’t see you. That’s not always a good thing. When runners meet cars, cars usually win.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I head out.”

Angie nodded. The pink in the sky began to intermix with orange and purple. “I don’t like bad things happening to good people if it can be helped.” She whispered quietly. She stole a quick glance at Tom, noticing that he had his eyes glued to the horizon, before returning her focus back to the same area.

“Wha….what makes you think I’m a good person?”

“Dunno. Feeling, I guess.” Angie shifted so that her elbows were on her knees. “Most people don’t invite a complete stranger to live with them without actually advertising that they’re looking for roommates.”

“You’re not a _complete_ stranger.”

“Eh, I guess not. But the mind, it is still boggled.”

“Is that why you’re out thinking?”

Angie sighed deeply, straightening out her back and placing her hands on her knees. She could feel Tom’s eyes on her, guessing that he was trying to read her face to brace himself for whatever was going to come out of her mouth next. _After all_ she thought _our conversations haven’t really been heartwarming._

“Sort of. Losing three days kinda messed with my head more than I want to admit. Something threw me for a loop. Brain is on overdrive, still can’t focus.” _Ugh. I’m blaming your appearance for my brain not working._ “I want it all to stop, but stopping isn’t an option, so I need to alter my thinking, assuming my brain wants to shut the fuck up for three seconds and let me organize my thoughts. Or at least let me empty it.”

The pink and purple in the sky was gone, and the illusion of the sun was dancing on the horizon.

Angie took a swig of her coffee and continued. “I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I’d make sure to watch the sun come up once a year. It makes things seem insignificant when you realize that the planet we’re on is hurling around the sun at 30 k per second. It’s a good reminder that if shit gets bad there’s always another day. Might have a really rough night but tomorrow is always another day. Shit is never that bad, because the world keeps turning. There’s always sunrise to look forward to.  And once the sun’s up, hopefully things will be seen in a better light.”

“The miserable have no other medicine, but only hope.”

“You calling me miserable, Shakespeare?” Angie chuckled quietly. “Ugh, you fucking nerd.”

“Nope. And, ummm, takes one to know one.” he whispered.

“Ugh, that’s it, I’m telling mom.”

“Wait, what?”

Angie laughed and stood up, stretching her arms above her head before laughing at Tom’s confusion. “Just being a shit, Tom.” _Stupid defense mechanism._

“You’re going to be a fun roomie, I can tell.” Tom’s grin stretched ear to ear.

“Depends on your definition of fun. Anyway, you sure about this? I mean…”

“Very sure. I can pick you up an a little while so you can get settled in.”

“….erm, I don’t have to leave my flat until tomorrow!”

“But you should come over early! Bobby says he misses you. He told me himself.”

“You’re not kidding about the very, are you…” Angie swore if there were walls, Tom would be bouncing off them.

“Nope! I can pick you up around 11ish? We can get brunch!”

“Dude, Tom, you are way too excited…”

“Bobby’s more excited!”

“Good lords! Go the fuck home, Tom, I’ll write you later.” She gave him a playful shove towards the path.

“I’ll see you at 11!” Tom called as he started a moving back towards home.

“Tom, no, not….” But he was out of earshot before Angie could finish her thoughts. _Crazy fuck_ she thought _I swear to god he’s nearly skipping home._

__

Angie tossed her coffee cup in the trash, then shoved her hands in her pockets before slowly making her way back to her place. The sun was warm and pleasant on her face. _I still don’t know if this is a move towards better, but at least it was an unexpectedly nice morning. And I gotta admit, dude makes me feel more balanced. That can’t be a bad thing, right?_

_Maybe I need to stop thinking about this. Just do it? If it’s not good, if I’m not safe, if I can’t handle it I leave… I’ll go home and figure out my shit, although I’m not sure where home really is anymore. Which is why I’m here in London in the first place. Why does all of this crazy shit have to happen? Crazy shit used to be fun now I’m just fucking terrified._

_Why the fuck am I terrified? This should be….exciting. Best thing is a new adventure, worst thing is I go back to my old life, which I can’t, because it doesn’t exist anymore after it was fucking stolen from me because of some drunken asshole. And if something good comes along that’s just going to be ripped out of my fucking hands too. I’m not allowed to have anything nice. I shouldn’t even fucking bother. It’s better if I just fucking don’t._

_Brooks._

_Brooks._

_Downward spiral. Mind your thinking. Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes, we don’t know what the reason is until we look back on what’s happened. Calm your tits and chill the fuck out. Remember to take your fucking happy pills tonight and just chill the fuck out._

_Damn fucking brain._

~*~*~*

Back on the comfort of her couch, Angie whipped out her phone and read what she had missed last night. And this morning.

> Tom - 9/13/18 19:31
> 
> Hoping your day went better than the last three. Don’t forget to take your meds and try to get some rest. Looking forward to adventure time with my new roomie soon.

_Because adventures are better with friends. And friends remind airheads to keep their shit together._

> Tom - 9/13/18 20:47
> 
> Bobby is super excited too. He can’t wait to have another human in his life to tell him how awesome he his. He mentioned something about more bacon. I’m not sure, you might need to translate.

_I don’t think Bobby is as excited as his human…_

> Tom - 9/13/18 22:42
> 
> Have a good night darling. I’ll stop by tomorrow if I don’t hear from you in the morning. Xx.

Angie glared at her phone, and went ahead and her message. It was just 8, so it wasn’t unreasonably early it the day to contact people.

> Hi Betsy. Just confirming the checkout process as leaving the keys under the front mat?

_Guess I got nothing to lose, right? I can prepare for the worst and it can only go uphill from there, right?_

> Me and my measly suitcase are ready when you are, Hiddles. Wouldn’t want to keep Bobby waiting. ;)

Angie didn’t have her phone all the way on the coffee table when it buzzed.

> Parking in two, be up soon.

_Be there at eleven o’clock my ass._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the twelve of you who are reading, thank you for sticking with these two. *insert floaty hearts here*

Tom didn’t even bother to knock before letting himself and Bobby in. He dropped Bobby’s leash, allowing the excited pooch to run towards Angie. She laughed as the overexcited puppy slid across the bare wood floor of the living room, overshooting his target and scrambling for his footing.

“I guess you’re human wasn’t kidding little dude, was he?” Angie plopped herself down on the floor with an oomph, letting the eager little canine crawl into her lap and proceed to lick her face off.

She didn’t mind. Dogs are awesome, especially this one.

“Thanks, Bobby, I needed that little guy.” Angie wiped the slobber off her face then persuaded the dog off her lap as Tom walked to her side, grabbing Bobby’s leash.

“Ready to go?” He held his hand to Angie, which she ignored as she rose from the floor.

“Yeah, my case is packed and my tea mug is clean. Shall we?” Tom handed Bobby’s leash to Angie then went to grab Angie’s suitcase before she could protest. “Okay then, let’s roll.” She grabbed her purse and the flat keys, taking one last quick look around then closing the door behind her. After locking it, she slipped the keys under the mat.

Tom had managed to snag a spot right outside of her no-longer flat and was loading her case into the trunk. She coaxed Bobby into the back of the car and tied his leash around the headrest of the back seat before slipping into the passenger seat.

“I could go for a coffee and I think Bobby could go for a walk. Care for either?”

“Ummm, both?”

“Wonderful. I know a spot.”

~*~*~

“This is some glorious fucking coffee. Cheers, buddy.”

“I grabbed us some pastry as well. I haven’t eaten and I’m assuming you haven’t either, but even if you have, they’re divine and you should have one.”

“If they’re divine I’m having yours too.” Angie grabbed one of the pastries and licked the bottom of it.

“Hey, that’s not nice!” Tom grabbed the remaining pastry from the bag before she could snatch it.

“Never said I was nice! But I licked this one so it’s mine. Mwhahaha.” _Oh man there is a joke there._ Tom locked eyes with her, arching his eyebrows and grinning. _Shiiiiit he got the joke._ She slowly took a bite out of her pastry, not breaking eye contact with Tom and trying not to laugh chewed pastry out of her nose. _This is so fucking hilarious, let’s keep the filter out and see how this goes._

“Well look at the bright side, at least it’s not dog rules.” Angie proclaimed after swallowing her food, “Nobody likes pee on their breakfast. If they do, I really don’t want to hear about it.” Tom looked at horrified, holding his prized pastry out of grabbing, licking, and pissing distance. She doubled over with laughter.

“Ohhhhhh good lords. Hiddleston. Get used to the crazy shit coming out of my mouth. You’ve been warned. That was _so_ worth the look on your face. Ha!” She wiped a couple of tears out of the corner of her eyes and grinned.

“You’re something else, Angie.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as he pulled off into traffic.

~*~*~

“This place is nice. I don’t feel like I’m in London.”

“Yeah, Hampstead is nice when it’s quiet. I find it’s less touristy than Primrose or Regent’s so it’s a little easier to remain anonymous.” Bobby had been bouncing from one side of the path to the other for the past 20 minutes.

“Wait, isn’t this where we were last time?”

“Yeah. Same general area.”

“Well at least this time you didn’t bring some weird girl to the park without Bobby. And hey, this time there’s a daystar.”

“And coffee.” _And me not freaking the fuck out_ she thought to herself.

“This has to be a great place to go running.”

“Yeah. Got a 5-mile lollipop route from the house. Can easily make it a 10 if you’re feeling crazy.”

“You’re only crazy if you’re running 10 in 98-degree weather.”

“You’re so American, making things harder than they should be. Why don’t you guys use Celsius?”

“Says the Brit using miles in his homeland.”

“Touché, Ang.” Tom perked his ears up, glanced quickly behind him and looked at her. “Ready to get the fuck out of here? I’m really not in the mood to deal with a gaggle of fangirls.”

“You mean horde?”

Tom chuckled at her. “This way, it’s a shortcut.”

They made it unaccosted to the car. “We’re not far from home, a mile, maybe a bit more. Excuse me, just 2 kilometers.” Angie slapped him hard on the arm. “Ow, what was that for?”

“For being a pompous British twat.”

“You wouldn’t have me any other way, loud obnoxious American girl.”

“I resemble those statements, but you still forgot awesome and slightly nuts. Shutup and drive, Hiddles.”

~*~*~*~

Tom’s house is just as Angie remembered it, but Tom still insisted on an official tour, after bringing in her case and setting it on the bed in the room closest to the front door. It was sparsely decorated, but filled with natural light, a comfortable looking king bed, and a view of the garden. She still couldn’t believe that he wasn’t asking a dime for rent.

She had been everywhere else in the house, with the exception of Tom’s room which was on the other end of the house and two other guest rooms. She quickly unpacked her tiny suitcase, grabbed her tea and wandered over to the tiny white kitchen to put it away. Tom plucked the box out of her hands and put it into the cupboard over the electric kettle. Angie stifled a laugh and walked off to the living room in search of Bobby.

Somebody was eagerly waiting for belly rubs on the couch, and Angie was happy to oblige, curling up next to him. The living room had two full built-in book cases flanking a small fireplace; during her last visit she was only able to peruse one of them. There was a semi-organized pile of what looked to be scripts on the coffee table. Tom had come to join her and Bobby on the couch when Angie pointed to the pile.

“Anything good?

 “Nope. Nothing speaks to me.  But have some other things in the works.”

Angie couldn’t contain her grin. “Waiting for the right moment to show your butt again?”

“Jesus shuttup Angie you’re terrible.” He shook his head.

“What?! I’d show my butt in a movie if it was the right damn movie. No need for butt for the sake of butt. Though some folks would politely, ugh, disagree with that statement, depending on the butt.”

Tom facepalmed, failing to contain his amusement. Angie doubled over laughing, the sound causing Bobby to jump off the couch and run to his bed.

“Being a shit, Tom. You were warned! Repeatedly!”

“Fair, I was.” He chuckled. “Tea?”

“Ohfuckyes”.

 

A few minutes later, she had a delightful cup of Earl Grey in her hands. Angie was quietly contemplating something while sipping her tea, and Tom’s curiosity was peaked about her thoughts as he sat on the couch by her feet.

“You okay, kid?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, shit’s just surreal. I, ummm, did not see staying in London for any given time in my life plan. Not that the events causing me to come to London in the first place was in my life plan. Not to like quietly fangirl or anything like that, but neither was bumping into you or any of the stuff that randomly ensued later. Which all resulted in staying here.”

“I’m just a normal person.”

“Who’s really fun to pick on. But yeah, I know. Normal person, very public job, and assholes that follow you around to make money. Oh, and an awesome dog.”

“Stop or Bobby’s gonna get an ego.”

“Pffft, unpossible.” Tom grins at her.

“Bobby and joking aside. What I’m trying to figure out Hiddles is why you’re doing this. Honestly, and no offense intended, given who you are it really doesn’t make sense for you to invite an almost stranger to live with you given the fact that we both know that there are a bunch of crazy people out there trying to get a piece of you. I mean shit, the park. I can't imagine people following whispering about if they should stop me during my dog's walk for an autograph and a fucking selfie.”

Tom turned himself on the couch to look at her, feet touching. “You’re different. You can take that at whatever value you’d like, but there something about you that’s refreshing and just…fabulous.  And I really think we could at the very least be great friends.”

“Dude, I’ve got baggage. I know you know about it but I’m still sorting through it.”

“Who the fuck doesn’t, Ang. I mean really. I already told you, matched nine-piece set. Plus, I try my best to be around good people, and you seem to fit that bill, so I didn’t think twice offering a room when you mentioned needing to find a place.”

Angie gave him the side eye. “Did anyone ever tell you that you’ve quite possibly lost your fucking mind?

“Yes. Multiple times. Problem?”

“Nope, just consider this another reminder then.”

“Noted.”

“Any house rules I need to be aware of?”

“None that I can think of, really. We’ll probably figure stuff out over time. I’ll let you know if people are coming over. I hope you’ll do the same for me.”

“I’m amused that you think I’m going to bring people over, especially since I know two people in this city and I’m sitting here talking to one of them.” Angie took a slurp of her tea. “Wait, this isn’t like college where one of us is gonna need to put a sock or a tie on the front door or something? If the house is a rockin’ don’t come aknockin’? Proceed with caution and contain the laughter?”

“Something like that darling.” He grinned.

She tilted her head towards the cases. “What books are off limits?”

“None of them, books are meant to be read. But do be careful with some, I do have a few first editions on the right hand third shelf.” Angie nodded.

“Ang?”

“Tom?”

“Did you take your meds?”

“Shit. Nope. Thanks mom.” Tom looked at her confused as she and her tea went in search of her meds. _Bathroom counter, one round tablet blue one-and-a-half capsules or the pink stuff._ She wandered back towards the living room.

“Seriously, thanks. My memory is still shit.”

“No problem. Morning and night?”

“Yep.” She popped her p just because she could.

“I’ll remind you.”

“Thanks. CRS sucks.”

“CRS?”

“Can’t remember shit.”

Angie stretched out and put her feet on his lap. Either Tom didn’t mind that she was being inconsiderate of her personal space, or he was too polite to tell her to get the fuck out of his personal space.

“Random, but not random question. Do you know how long you’d like to stay?”

“Until I feel the need to be nomadic or go back or you kick my ass out, whichever comes first. At some point, I’ll have to go back. I still have the house, although one of my friends is staying there and watching my kitties until I return. I have no time frame. Don’t know if my return would be permanent. I just don’t know. Vague enough answer for you?”

“Perfectly vague, yes.”

“Anything in particular you’d like to do while you’re here?”

“Experience stuff. I don’t know what stuff is, but something that makes me feel. Something that makes me distracted from my reality. So probably a good dose of theatre is in there somewhere, but travelling, hitting some museums, seeing some arts. Getting my American ass some culture, as one of my teachers would put it. I would have done some earlier but apparently getting out of bed for three days is for chumps.”

Tom poked at her feet and she almost kicked his tea mug out of his hand.

“One last question I promise.”

“I call bullshit Hiddles, but go right ahead.”

“What’s your last name?” Angie looked at him quizzically. “Well you know mine, although you have a slightly unfair advantage, but I don’t know yours. How am I supposed to give you shit via surname if I don’t know it?”

“It’s Brooks. Or the weirdo formerly known as Marchese.”

“Brooks. That’ll work.”

“Huh?”

“There’s a phrase I think I’m going to use a lot.”

“What’s that?”

“Brooks! Stop being a shit! ......It’s got a nice ring, yeah?”

“Not nearly as good as Hiddleston stop being a posh twat.”

“Again, I am not a posh…..fuck you, Angie!”

“Maybe later, Tom.”

Tom looked at her, slack jawed and speechless.

“Don’t worry, I’m just being a shit! Get used to it!” She grinned, got off the couch, and walked to her room, giggling the entire way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angie's the type of person who will say shit just to see the reaction of the people she's saying it too. Tom gets it, but not nearly as much as he should.
> 
> I feel the need to start really moving this along. next chapter will encompass a much longer period of time. As always, thanks for reading and feedback/questions/comments/concerns/complaints/cheesy quips/horrible dad jokes are always appreciated.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams are weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry about that whole two month no update thingy. Enjoy, it's weird.

Two weeks had passed quickly, but Angie didn’t notice. She was up at odd hours and slept odd hours, not seeing much of Tom, but she knowing he was around. Her meds magically appeared in the morning and again in the evening, with a glass of water and a note, and sometimes a biscuit or two if Tom hadn’t seen her about that day. When she slept, and it was often, she dreamed, often of Joe but Tom and Bobby had started to sneak quietly into her dreams.

 She was sitting on the shore of a lake, her feet and legs cold, wet, and mud - covered. The forest surrounding the lake was full of reds, yellows, and oranges – peak color for fall. But it was sunny, and she stretched her tired legs out to dry off. The snap of a twig behind her caused her to turn around, only to find a mostly solid version of Joe walking towards her.

 “We finally made it back here.”

“Yeah I know. We were supposed to do this sooner.”

“This was a nice spot for a second date. The company made it better than it already is.”

Angie just nodded in agreement. Joe had settled down next to her, but chose to look at her instead of the lake.

 “It’s time, sweetheart.”

“What do you mean….I mean…we just…we just got here.”

“Not that love. It’s time. To let me go. You’ve got shit to do, minions to rule, worlds to conquer.”

“But…” Her breath hitched as she tried to force the words out.

“No excuses. You really need do this. I mean, world domination. Just think of the possibilities!”

“Damnit Joe, you fucking ass. You were supposed to be my partner in crime for all of that…”

She felt him run his hand along her jaw. It was warm and soft.

“Eh, I still  am. Just not physically. I’m your mental cheerleader.”

“That’s an image.”

“Hey, you _know_ I’d make that look good!” Joe jumped up beside her, flourishing his invisible pompoms.

“Yes, that ass in a purple and silver miniskirt doing splits. Actually, my nuts hurt just thinking about that.”

She was doubled over in laughter while Joe looks adoringly at her. “That’s my beautiful girl. I love your laugh. He does too, you know.”

“He’s just a friend.” She wiped the tears from her eyes, and stared out over the lake so she wouldn’t have to see the apparition before her.

“You keep telling yourself that. I. Call. Bullshit.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t, you love me.”

“Yes I do. Still. Ass.”

“And him too.”

Ang turned her head towards him. “In a way. He keeps me from drowning in nightmares. Haven’t figured out why but he does.” Joe's visage was becoming more opaque.

“Is this one?”

“No, it’s just a really fucked up dream. I mean, zombie hubby shows up and tells me that there’s this other dude that I like. Maybe it is a nightmare, you know I really don’t like zombies.”

“I thought it was nice!”

“You’re not the one getting haunted by a zombie hubby.”

“Braaaaaaiiiiiiiiiins!!!! But seriously, Ang, you really, really need to let go of what we had. Remember the awesomeness we had but it’s time for more awesomeness in your life. Most likely with a particular person that you’re in complete denial about, because you’re good at that shit.”

“HEY!!!!” _Fucking jerk!_

“I’m flat out fucking telling you to move on. I promise, it’s ok. love you to bits, but live your life. You’ve got a world to take over. I’ll settle for nothing less than….”

“…..complete domination. I know.”

“That’s right. Don’t forget, you got this. And you’re not alone. You’re in good hands. And if I see you again next time I’m totally eating your brains.”

She chuckled quietly. “That’s no way to talk to your….” She turned her head to look back at Joe but he was gone “...wife. Fuck.”

 Angie pulled her knees up to her chin, wiping the stray tear that fell down her cheek.

 She heard a bark and running up the trail beside her. Doodles? _No,_ _Bobby don’t!_

~*~*~*~

She half opened her eyes to a very excited Bobby licking her face, and a very apologetic looking Tom trying to rip him off of her bed.

 “He’s fine.” She uncurled herself from fetal position and reached a hand out to pet the over excited pup. “Hey, little buddy.” Bobby jumped off the bed and ran out the door; Angie took the opportunity to wipe all of the slobber off of her face.

 “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to wake you but he barged in after me. I’ve got your meds.” He motioned towards the glass of water and cup on the nightstand.

“Thanks, Tom. What time is it?” Sitting up on the edge of the bed, she grabbed her meds and downed them in one gulp.

“Tuesday about four.”

She nodded, returning the glass to the table and. “I just had a really weird dream.”

“You can talk about it if you’d like.”

“I dunno what my brain is doing. Memories are corrupted, need a format and fresh reinstall.”

“I, uhhh, can’t help you with that. But I can do a hug?” Tom looked questioningly at her.

She nodded, and Tom pulled her to standing, wrapping his long arms around her in a gentle embrace.

 Joe’s voice whispered at her _‘As I said, you’re in good hands._ ’

 Angie, stood there for a few seconds then wrapped her arms around Tom, pressing her face into his chest. He squeezed her closer.

_‘See? Told ya!’_

_Shut up, brain._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Angie makes a much needed phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so, writers block + grant deadlines at work + fundraising season for non-profit = not enough updates.
> 
> Unbeta'd, as always.

Angie was sprawled across her bed in a tank top and shorts. _Fancy that a shower makes me feel like I’ve joined the land of the living again_. Her still damp hair cascaded down her back as she picked up the phone and hit number 5 on speed dial.

“Dr. Dai’s Office, this is Jenna.”

“Yes, hi Jenna. My name is Angie Brooks, and I’m calling for a virtual appointment with Dr. Dai.”

“Any reason why you can’t be here in person?”

“I’m in London and am uncertain when I’m returning.”

“Ok, hold please.”

The music was that cheesy elevator crap. It always made Angie roll her eyes, but she was grateful that Dr. Dai was recommended to her to help her deal with, well, everything.

“Hi Angie, it’s Beth. Jenna says you’re in London?”

“Hey Doc. Yeah, needed different walls. I’ve been here three weeks I think.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. Flew out beginning of the month. Rented a place for a week, met a friend, am currently hogging the guest room in his house, probably overstaying my welcome.”

“You know it’s October first, right?”

“Shit……sorry.”

“It’s okay. How do you feel being there?”

“Mixed. Good to not be home. Weird though.  I haven’t been doing much since I don’t really have the motivation to leave the house, so I feel like a leech and a slug. But it’s weird.  I mean, I’ve having issues sleeping again. I can sleep for hours and I’m still exhausted. and I don’t feel awake when I’m up. So with that time is a bit messed up for me, but you know that already. And I’m having a hard time with dreams again.”

“Still the same dreams from last time?”

“Well, no, not as much anymore. I’m not in the car. And I had one where Joe essentially told me to fuck off.....sorry.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about what language you’re using.” Angie heard a pen scratching on paper. “That’s an interesting dream. How did that make you feel?”

“Extremely confused.”

“Can you elaborate?”

“Not really? I mean, how….how else am I supposed to feel when my dead husband shows up in a dream and tells me to move on and be with somebody else?”

Angie swore she heard her doctor nodding over the phone.

“Angie, what you’re feeling is completely normal for somebody who has been through as much emotional trauma as you have. Knowing you, you’re at the point where you mentally know that moving on is an acceptable thing to do, but you may be feeling that you’re not ready to do so emotionally, and that’s what’s manifesting when you’re sleeping.”

“Nice to know I’m normal?”

Beth chuckled. “100%. Work through it a little at a time. Believe it or not, you already are.”

“Huh?”

“The change in dreams. As things in your emotional balance stabilizes, you’ll most likely see the dreams shift again, or possibly disappear completely. Speaking of stabilizing, how are you feeling with your medications?”

“Well, ok I guess. My friend has been diligent about reminding me to take my stuff.”

“That’s a good friend. Can we try something?”

“Sure?” _Shit._

“I’d like you to start cutting back on your meds. You’re taking Zoloft twice daily, right?”

“Yep.”

“Ok, I’m going to email you these instuctions, but this week you’re going to take one pill in the morning and half at night. Next week, half a pill twice daily. Call me if at any point you get migraines or any severe manic episodes. If that goes well, we’ll drop to half a pill once a day, then every few days, and then get you off of it entirely.”

“I’m surprised you want to take me off my meds.” _I guess that’s not so bad._

“Well Angie, they were meant to help you get back on your feet, not be a crutch.  You have no signs of mental instability, you just needed help getting through your grief. I see no reason for long term intervention at this point. Plus, you’re making progress, and that’s fantastic.”

“Okay.”

“And I’d like to give you homework.”

“Uuuugh. But I’m not in college anymore!”

Beth chuckled. “It’s simple homework, I promise. Ready?”

“Sure Doc.”

“I want you to make it a point every day to leave the house where you’re staying. Go for a walk, see something different. Meet people. Connect with people and places. Pet dogs you don’t know. Experience things. Bring your friend, it sounds like he wants to help you feel better. But you need to take that first step out of the house.”

“I’ll try.”

“You’ll do. If you need a chat, you know how to get a hold of me. Send me pictures that you take when you’re out an about.”

“Really?”

“I’ve always wanted to see London. Plus, it’s a way for me to see that you’re getting out of the house.”

“Sneaky, doc, sneaky.” Angie laughed.

“You can do this, Angie. Get out and reconnect with the world around you and the people in it.”

Angie sighed. “I’ll do my best.”

“Good woman. I’ll talk to you soon.”

There was a gentle knock on her door. “Thanks, Doc. Talk to you later. Bye.” The beep signaled the end of her call. “Yeah?”

Tom opened the door a crack and peered into the room, only to have Bobby rush through the opening and jump onto the bed beside Angie. “I was wonderi…..uggh, damnit Bobby!”

She couldn’t contain her giggling as an exasperated Tom pulled an over excited Bobby off her. He gently scolded the pup, which cause Angie to burst into laughter.

“Shit Angie, what’s so funny?” He stifled a smile while raising an eyebrow. Angie got up and crossed the room to fetch her glasses off of the dresser.

“Dogs and kids are the uninhibited version of their owners and parents, respectively.” Tom’s face turned pink, and Angie stifled a chuckle. “So, my therapist has charged me with getting my ass the fuck out of the house on a daily basis, and she’s scaling down my meds. So in celebration of not being deemed a complete and total mental fuckwad, I think I might take the boy for a walk” she stated, slipping on a pair of sandals.

“Sounds great!”

“Maybe bring Bobby too?” She stifled a laugh as Tom appeared increasingly flustered. “I’ll take that as a yes. Awesome, now get out, I have to put on a tittieholder before I set foot out of this house.”

Tom burst into laughter, shaking his head as he turned around and walked out the door, mostly closing the door behind him.

Angie chuckled, quickly changing into a bra and a shirt that was slightly less see through before venturing out into the world outside of her bedroom door in what seemed like the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obigatory not a doctor/my advice is bullshit note. But do: take care of yourself/take your meds/pet cute animals
> 
> Thanks for sticking with these two. Feedback always appreciated.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with these three.
> 
> Multiple POV chapter. Unbeta'd as always. Feedback appreciated.

### Angie’s POV

“Are you ready, darling?” I looked to Tom who had a very excited Bobby sitting in front of him eyeing the leash in his hand.

“Yeah, I just need to find a hoodie.”

“Here.” Tom tossed me a dark grey pullover, which I quickly put on. Shoving my phone and wallet in my pockets, I couldn’t help but chuckle at Bobby. _He’s just so fucking cute. Oh, to have the life of an adorable dog!_

Bobby’s leash was being unceremoniously shoved into my hand. “Bobby says he wants the girl to walk him today.”

“The _girl_?” I snickered.

“No, darling. THE girl. Get it right.” _Saucy motherfucker winking at me._ “Don’t roll your eyes at me, love.”

“Whoops, too late. Let’s roll.” And with that, Bobby bounced through the front door into the brisk fall London air, dragging me behind him.

~*~*~

_I can’t believe I let it happen again. Again! I promised myself that I would never let myself drown in a festering hole of fuzzy memories and sadness and loss. But I did it again and I hate myself for it._

_And I don’t get it. He’s got no reason to stick by me but he’s here. And for some insane reason not giving me shit about being a mindless lump. I took complete advantage of his kindness and. Ugh. I’m such a fucking terrible person. I just…I don’t…I just don’t…._

_*sigh*_

_I wonder if I should just go back to the states and just try to get myself going again. I mean, I still have our..um, my….house. Or maybe I should just get rid of everything and go somewhere else. It really doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not without Joe and the pups. I don’t feel like I have a place anymore. I have no roots and I’m just aimlessly wandering through the bullshit._

 A yank on my hoodie stopped me in my tracks. Bobby was sitting beside me at a very busy crosswalk, which apparently, I had thought was a great idea to just start to wander into.

“Angie, something on your mind?” I nodded “You can talk about it if you’d like. That’s us, let’s go.” We hurried across the street and into the park.

“I’m okay, Tom.” _I just can’t talk about it without coming across as an ungrateful bitch._ “This might be fall, but it’s not like fall in upstate NY.”

“You miss it?”

“Of course.” We kept walking. Bobby was bouncing between the edges of the path, stopping only momentarily to try and eat a bug. Scratch that, succeed at eating said bug. “Ugh, Bobby! Gross dude!”

“Do you want to go back?”

“We just started our walk and Sir Eats-a-bug still needs to burn off some energy.”

“I meant back to the States.” Glancing at Tom, he had plastered a calm expression on his face, staring six feet ahead at the bundle of fur oscillating between the edges of the path.

“I ummm……I don’t know.” _I’m not ready to have this conversation, keep calm Brooks. Breathe in two three, out two three._

### Tom’s POV

  _I knew something really set her back since I met her.  I’ve had the luck of beginning to know a strong, smart, sassy woman. But something just isn’t right, something’s got to be on her mind. I know she’s still dealing with her loss. I promised her I’d just be a friend. And I’m trying my damn hardest to do just that even though there’s something that just draws me to her. I care for her so much. I would love to see her happy the smallest thing drags her down and I want nothing more than to help and lift her spirits. I’d love to make her happy but I think my trying to quietly help just makes her feel bad. If only I could make her understand that I’ve opened my home to her willingly; not because she needed a place, but because I felt that I needed her presence in my life. I want nothing more than for her to stay here, but I think that just isn’t going to happen. I guess I have to prepare myself for the inevitable – she’s going to leave and I’m going to be missing her greatly…and so will Bobby he just loves her._

_And of course, I had to go asking questions that I just shouldn’t have. I’m so not ready to have this conversation but I just need to keep my emotions to myself for her sake._

 

### Bobby’s POV.

  _My human!!! My human has the leash!  Ohboyohboyohboyohboywe’regoingforawalkyaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!  Wait! WAIT!!!! I have to sit nice for my human he likes it when I sit nice for him oh boy I’m so excited I get to go out with my human this is great!! THE GIRL!!!! The girl is here too this is great she’s my favorite!! I hope she can goes on a walk with THE GIRL IS COMING ON THE WALK THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER I hope I get some belly rubs after she gives the best bellyrubs I hope she’ll stay forever so I can’ always get bellyrubs from the girl!!!!_

_Outside!!!! I love it outside so much to sniff but I don’t like these things on the hard ground so my human taught me to sit until they stop HEY GIRL YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO STOP oh my human made her stop like he used to make me stop. Comeon girl we have to keep going my favorite park is up here it smells so good! We’re almost there you’re gonna love it I’m going to show you my favorite spot! I have other dog friends here I’m so excited let’s go let’s go let’s go!!! You! YOU! Little buzzy thingy! I’m gonna get you with my mouth!! One.nope…two….one more….YES GOTCHA!! Third time’s the charm that was really awesome hey human did you see that? Human? Girl? OH NO YOUR FACES ARE LEAKING. LET ME LOVE YOU I FIX LEAKYFACES IT’S MY SUPERPOWER!!!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angie makes a decision, with some help.
> 
> unbeta'd, as always. thanks to the 12 of you that still read this. *floatyhearts* and stuff.

> Sometimes, you do things and you do them not because you’re thinking but because you’re feeling. Because you’re feeling too much. And you can’t always control the things you do when you’re feeling too much.
> 
> —  Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

 

Angie used her sleeve to wipe the tears threatening to spill onto her face.

Bobby ran towards her and sat down in front of her. She knelt down to pet him and he jumped up to lick her face, nearly knocking her flat on her ass. Tom crouched down next to her with a concerned look on his face.

“It’s a low spoon day, isn’t it.”

She nodded. He stood, extending his hand to hers to help her up.

“In that case, we can head back, or we can walk and talk. Whatever you would like to do, we can do.” _That is a concept that probably shouldn’t be suggested to my already jumbled mind there, sir._

“Walking is fine, but I might do more of a walk and listen.” Angie said. “I know you have a lot on your mind as well.”

He nodded in agreement. Bobby returned to sauntering happily in front of his two favorite humans.

“I don’t think either of us really want to have this conversation right now, but it’s been quietly nagging at the back of my mind. And I have a feeling that it’s been on yours too, maybe a little but for different reasons. I’m sorry that my question set you off.”

“It’s okay. I can see the internal battle within your mind. I do the same thing when something’s really eating at my mind.”

“That obvious?”

“Yep. Tom has a tell.”

“Oh really?”

She laughed. “You stare but it’s not a stare, it’s like your eyeballs are trying to read what’s on your brain.”

He just laughed with her. “Yeah, I guess I do that.” He shoved his hands into his pockets as they walked on. “I know I haven’t known you long. And I know I don’t know you well. But I do know I’d like to get to know you better, as a friend and however else I can.”

_I don’t think I can give you what you want._

He sighed and continued. “But I know even that is an awful lot to ask. I know you have a lot on your mind. And I know that you’re still working through a lot of things in your own time.”

She nodded. “Understatement of the decade. I feel like I’m moving forward only to be slammed back into the ground twenty feet back.”

“And yet here you are.”

They were coming up on a lovely little pond, with a willow tree and a bench. “Sit for a bit? We can let Bobby off leash and he’d love to go throw himself into the pond a few dozen times.” She nodded.

“Bobby, this way!” Tom unhooked his leash and harness, stashing them into a pocket while procuring a tennis ball for the other. Bobby sat staring at the ball in his human’s hand, tail thwumping rapidly on the ground. With a grin and a chuckle, Tom hurled the ball into the pond, turning Bobby into a fuzzy streak as he ran after the ball before launching himself into the pond.

Angie chuckled quietly. “Shit would just be easier if we could be more like dogs.”

“Yeah, I know.” They sat.

 They watched Bobby for a while. He was perfectly content to bring his tennis ball to one of his favorite humans and have them throw it for him. Or, much to Angie’s amusement, every once in a while he would get out of the pond only to turn around and jump back in. Tom took a deep breath.

 “You weren’t kidding about him throwing himself in the pond, were you…”Angie said with a chuckle.

Tom ehehehe’d. “No, I wasn’t. That little boy loves the water.”

“Yeah he does.”

“And you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“His human is rather fond of you as well.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed. “That posh twat sort of worked his way into my mind as well.”

Tom just smiled.

“Tom. I like you, but I’m not ready. And really, I don’t know if or when that will would ever happen. I feel like a complete bitch for saying it. You’re a great guy. We spark. You took a complete stranger into your home and have been nothing but awesome. Shit, you made sure I took my damn meds. You didn’t yell at me for keeping weird hours. You don’t seem to be completely freaked out by my weirdness. And you “

“Angie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry about that. It is what it is. There’s no need to get yourself worked up.”

“I know but I still feel like a complete and total bitch. This has been a completely one-sided couple of weeks and that’s just not…..right.”

“And the fact that you feel that way tells me that this isn’t your normal modus operandi”

“It isn’t, no.”

“Do you want to talk about it all?”

“Not here. Maybe when we head back. Like, now. My toes are cold.”

“Okay then. Come here, Bobby!”

“Wait, first!” She quickly  snapped a picture of Bobby mid-air, jumping into the lake much to his owner’s amusement.

~*~*~

Back at the house, Angie changed into a pair of comfortable sweats and a worn shirt. She was settled into the couch curled up over a cup of earl grey when a mostly-dry Bobby bounded into the living room. Tom walked in after him, having thrown on a faded pair of jeans and an equally faded blue shirt after giving Bobby (and inadvertently himself) a bath.

“There’s tea over here.”

“How did you know?”

Lucky guess.

He sat on the opposite corner of the couch, picking up his tea and taking a long sip, turning slightly to face the slightly frazzled woman on the couch. “It’s good to see you out of your room. Tea’s perfect, by the way, thank you.” Bobby decided that a nap was in order, and crawled onto the couch, curling up at Angie’s feet between the two of them.

“You’re welcome. And yeah. I have to try.”

He nodded.

“So, ummm, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and weird dreaming and stuff.” She took a long sip of her tea “And I guess I’m at a point where I’m so torn on what I need to do that my brain is just telling me to do nothing.”

“Ang, you don’t have to explain anything to me if you don’t want to.”

“I know, but it sort of involves you.”

“Sorry to complicate things.”

“You didn’t. This was bound to happen at some point with someone. Guess it’s better just to deal with it and have it be with you, right?”

He nodded.

“So, ummm, I’m torn. I’m torn and I don’t know what to do.” Angie sipped her tea and tried to gather her thoguhts in a coherent manner. “A part of me feels like I should go back to the states. I’ve got a job waiting for me, a house, a couple of really good friends. My family is all there.”

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ there.”

“There is, but that’s because there is no “butt” there. I was looking forward so much to my life with Joe that now that he’s not there, I don’t even know if I want to go back. Even though my family is there, I don’t feel like I have roots there anymore. I can talk to my family from anywhere and I don’t need to be in a specific location. A part of me feels like everything that’s left there, it’s all just stuff and not a tangible thread tying me to the location.”

He nodded “That’s a lot to think about.”

“Right and I think if the situation were different like if he and I had split or some shit, I’d have different feelings about it.” She stopped to down the rest of her tea in two forced gulps adding quietly “But I don’t want to make any rash decisions just because I’m lonely.

Angie felt a box placed on her lap. Tissues.

“Thanks.” She dabbed at her eyes. “And that, Tom, is why I’ve told you no, why I’m not ready. I know I’m lonely, and I know I like your company. But I don’t want to go in something knowing that I’m craving companionship and not because I’m really super into the other person. That’s really not fair to you. Or me, but it’s really not fair to you. Maybe I’m there and I don’t realize it, maybe I’ll get there soon but I don’t know. I mean, I haven’t been able to clear enough of the bullshit out of my head to actually give it a good thorough think. Maybe I need more data.”

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair.

“Ang, you know I didn’t ask you to throw away your old life and move here, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I never will. Your choices are yours to make. However, if your life evolves and I still happen to be in it, I’ll consider myself very lucky.”

“You’re so sweet I might barf.”

“Yeah, you say that.” He shifted his tea mug uneasily from one hand to the other. “You know Ang, maybe you should consider going home. See how you feel since you’ve had some time here. I’ll remind you that you’re welcome back any time. But it sounds to me like you’re uncertain about whether back home is an option. And the only way to find out, it to go and experience it for yourself and see if home really is still an option for you.”

She sighed. “You’re right, you know.”

He placed his hand on her knee. “I might not be, but I think that if I were in your situation, I would probably try to see if home was still home. If it wasn’t after a round of traveling, then I’d seriously consider pulling up roots. Once you know home isn’t an option, then you can go from there.”

She nodded.  “I’ll take the weekend then because there’s still something I need to do.”

“What’s that?” _Sir lower that eyebrow please…_

She tapped at her phone for a few minutes. “What are you doing Saturday?”

“No plans, have something in mind?”

“Othellomacbeth?”

He grinned.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Can’t leave this city without seeing at least one play. That would be lame.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my minds eye I can see Bobby throwing himself repeatedly into the water and I'm dying of laughter.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and weird.   
> Thanks for reading.   
> Unbeta'd, ignore typos, and total made-up bullshit (the places are real and awesome though). Enjoy!

Out of breath, Angie sat and stretched out on the cold ground. _Fuck, I hate hills._ She grabbed a blanket out of her bag, shifting herself onto it and wrapping it haphazardly around her legs. She shivered, but the brisk morning air

Angie couldn’t remember the last time her mind was so quiet. _Maybe these past few weeks have just been one giant walking hallucination and my brain is so tired it’s taking a nap from telling me random shit._

_Buzz buzz buzz._

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and glanced at the notification that slowly flashed across the screen.

_Nope, not a giant walking hallucination. Still weird, though. Also, didn’t think I had signal here but guess I was wrong._

She grabbed a thermos from her bag, pouring herself a nice hot cup of coffee as she enjoyed the quiet serenity of her surroundings. As the first rays of light beamed over the horizon, she knew. She knew she loved this place, but she knew it didn’t hold her heart the same way it did before. There was beauty, calm, and a hollow void that had been persistently gnawing at her since she set her foot onto the trail. No, the plane.

Unlocking her phone, she checked the message that had come through a bit earlier. It was a photo of Bobby, sitting and looking intently at Tom’s front door.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 05:45
> 
> I think he’s waiting for the Girl.”

Angie’s breath hitched. Leaving them was anything but easy. She missed the puppy snuggles, the random non-coherent 2 am insomniac conversations and quips, the magical tea that seemed to appear when she needed something to soothe her body and mind.

She missed the look of amusement tinged with jealously from Tom as Bobby would rush up to her and lick her face. She missed his smile and his laughter.

She missed him, and she felt like a damn idiot for leaving. But London was great to visit but not to “live” in – she needed green space and quiet. If only her phone would stop vibrating.

 _What the fuck it’s 6am, don’t you assholes ever sleep?_ She unlocked her phone and giggled. There was Bobby, grinning at the camera wearing an “I  <3 NY” tshirt.

  

> Tom – 10/29/18 06:31
> 
> He wanted to play “who wore it better” but I knew he’d win just because he’s cute”.

_Takes one, buddy._

She snapped a quick picture and sent it to Tom.

                My view from this morning. And you’re right, he’d win, just because he’s fucking adorable 245043985% of the time.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 06:45
> 
> That’s lovely. And it’s good to know you think my dog is adorable. If my dog is my mirror, does that make me adorable?

_You want to play this game, huh motherfucker?_

                No, that makes you a 35 pound chocolate colored cocker spaniel that misses the girl. ‘Scuse, I meant the Girl.

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 06:52
> 
> At least one of those statements is true.

_Son of a…._

                I can’t wait to see your floofy tail in all of it’s glory.

She hit send and chuckled at her terrible attempts at joking around.

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 06:58
> 
> Does later today work for you? Dinner, maybe?

_Wait, what? Maybe I shouldn’t climb up such heights so quickly so early in the morning._

What in the good lords name are you doing in upstate ny?

Her hands were shaking. And this time, it wasn’t because she was cold.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 07:07
> 
> Have a gig in your neck of the woods. Now is only for a few weeks but hopefully will be longer. So, dinner?

 She stared at her phone, waiting for it to levitate or evaporate or do whatever it is that phones do when you see something on it that you just can’t believe.

                Sure, that sounds great, but on one condition.

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 07:15
> 
> What’s that, darling?

_Descriptors, buddy……._

                My place. I’m not in the mood for…..out.

Angie stood up, pocketed her phone, and started packing her goods. Her coffee, now lukewarm, was downed in a swig and the now empty mug unceremoniously shoved back into her pack.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 07:21
> 
> It’s not-a-date. I’ll see you soon. Bobby can’t wait!

_I swear this man is gonna end what little sanity I have left._

Wait, did you seriously by Bobby a doggy I love NY t-shirt while in NY?

She slung her bag on her back, fastening the straps so it wouldn’t move too much while she was going back down the cliffs.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 07:24
> 
> No, I thought it’d be a great buy at Heathrow.

_I’m really glad that my sarcasm detector works over text._

                Fucking tourist. See you soon, get here safe. I’ll send coordinates once I get back to the house. Can’t wait to see my boys, especially the cute one with the floofy tail.

 

 

> Tom – 10/29/18 07:27
> 
> ……..

_Gotcha!_

BTW, I said floofy tail, not hairy butt. I’ll be very disappointed if those two things got confused.

With that, she chuckled, pocketed her still buzzing phone, and descended down the cliffs, for once looking forward to the weird shit that the Universe had decided to throw her way.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angie's view (Good Luck Cliffs, Arietta, NY.):

 


End file.
